Beautiful Monster
by MusicalWriter1709
Summary: Amy Stein, pregnant and heartbroken thanks to her boyfriend (now ex), moves in with her friend, Allison, where she meets new characters who are different not only emotionally, but physically too. There, she develops new friendships, goes through unique adventures, and saves a life or two while falling dangerously in love. (Rated T mostly throughout...but just in case for later).
1. Preface: Upcoming Worries

_Oh my God. I can't believe I'm doing this. _I chastise myself. _Waiting, like a flighty six-year old on his way to Disneyland, in the bathroom at work!_ I keep pacing back and forth, hoping no one would come in here, at least no one but my best friend. I texted her a little while ago, she should be here about now.

The door opens with such force that it slams against the wall. My friend, flustered and slightly sweaty from her rush to the bathroom enters in a panic. "What? What's going on?! Why'd you text me?"

"Allison-"

"Y-y-you said-" she stutters as she pulls out her phone, reading the screen, "'-Allie, come quick; it's urgent.'"

"Allison!" I try to shush her again.

"So just tell me what's up?!" she shrieks.

"I'm trying!" I yell back, losing my patience. "Allison, calm your over exaggerated ways for a minute!"

Allison rolls her eyes and takes two deep breaths in order to become calm. "Okay," she whispers. "What's up?"

Ignoring her question, I walk over to the sink where the dreaded thing still denies to give me an answer. An answer that makes my stomach flip and my toes to curl. Sighing miserably, I look at the timer on my phone, which is laying innocently next to the sink. "We shall know in...thirty seconds." I let out a shaky breath, my heart hammering against my chest. I place a shaking hand up on my forehead, trying to calm my nerves and worried thoughts.

"What?" Allison hiss whispers.

"Fifteen seconds and we'll know..." I mumble. "Oh, God; I'm so terrified!"

Allison rolls her eyes again, her patience dwindling. "Know' what? And 'terrified' of what?"

I jump slightly when the timer on my phone goes off, leaving me dead silent to muse in my thoughts, all of them unpleasant. I take one last shaky breath, looking up at the ceiling. I don't want to look down. I don't want to look down. But I need to, no-_have to_. If I don't...well, so many things could happen.

Unlike they already are.

_Better do it now, before you loose your nerve. _I tell myself.

I look down. My whole body freezes. _Oh my gosh! Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God! No...no way..._

"What?" Allison asks eagerly. "What what what what? Amy, you're scaring me. You've never looked so white before, not even in the sun." I ignore her reference toward my overly pale skin, which, I think, compliments my red hair that spirals my middle back.

My mouth agape, I pick up the test with delicate fingers, as if terrified to break the thing. I look over toward Allison, shock evidently written across my features.

"What?" She asks again, though softly this time.

"I'm pregnant."


	2. Chapter 2: In the Beginning

Major freak-out in 3...2...1...

"Oooh my God! Allison, what am I going to do?!" The test slips from my fingers and lands in the sink. My hands go up to my head and begin tugging and pulling at my hair. I pace the bathroom (which is only a single, so there isn't a lot of walkng space.) "I'm pregnant...I'm pregnant...I'M PREGNANT!"

"Whoa, whoa, hey; calm down." Allison replies, rushing over to me. She gently disentangles my hands from my hair. Her eyes are filled with worry as she looks into mine. "What do you mean you're pregnant?"

Our roles have switched-now she's the calm one while I am a panicked mess.

"Just that," my voice trembles. I point to the test, not wanting to touch the vile thing ever again. "I'm pregnant!" I walk away from Allison and sit down on the toilet. I begin to cry from fear, from anxiety, from everything. Shudders rack my body as I try to hide my tears, but it doesn't work, they come pouring down like a waterfall. I peek out from underneath my hands to look at Allison. She's staring at the test in shock.

"Pregnant," she mumbles. "You're pregnant..." Allison turns to look at me. "H-how Amy? Well I mean I know "how", but just-argh!"

Despite the situation, I laugh at Allison's rambling.

Allison, her visage static, kneels at the toilet seat in front of me. "Amy..." her words drizzle off, unable to form a proper sentence.

I smile at her, tears still leaking from my eyes. "Explanation. You want an explanation, right?"

She nods. "W-who is the father, Amy? Not that I'm saying you have sex with just anybody-I-I mean...it's just I thought you were going to wait for marriage...or something..."

"It's Jack's, of course." I gasp out, ignoring the rest of her comments. I can't help but feel guilty towards myself. I was going to wait for marriage to have sex. It's just some things happened...

Allison's face immediately brightens. "Oh, that's good, Amy. Jack, your boyfriend-perfect! It's not like you weren't planning on not having a future with him. And he's a good guy, Amy, he'll accept this baby." Then Allison's face darkens with realization. "Unless...you want to get an abortion..."

I sigh. "No, Allison. I'm not going to get an abortion." Unconsciously, I rest a hand against my stomach. "My baby is in here. _My_ baby. I'm not going to get rid of it. I could care less for the challenges ahead. I have my parents-" I cringe at the thought of having to tell them "-I have my teachers-" my mind goes to one in particular "-and I have you." I look at Allison expectantly. "You will help me right? I don't think I could not use your help right now."

"Of course, Amy, I love you. We're practically sisters. And I don't abandon family." Allison gives me a reassuring smile. "But what about Jack? You didn't mention him at all in your list..."

I knew this day would come when I'd have to tell her the truth about our relationship. "Allison," I take her hand in mine, "Jack and I...well, we aren't doing so well."

Allison's face loses some of it's brightness. "What's gong on?"

I scoff, unable to hold it back. "That 'good guy' you mentioned, is anything but." Anger boils somewhere in my heart. "He may apear to be good and beautiful, but it's only a facade, Allison; a mask to keep his true ugliness away, to hide the mosnter deep inside."

"Is he abusing you?" Allison's voice has changed to a threatening tone.

I shake my head. "Not in the way you're thinking of."

In the corner of my eye, I see Allison's chest sink down, releasing a long breath. "Tell me, Amy. What has he done?"

My eyes start to glaze over from past memories. "In the beginning..." I start, "everything was so perfect...beautiful..."

_Six months ago..._

_Calm down, Amy!_ I command myself. _It's not like you haven't done this before!_

No matter how provocative these words may be, they are not at all what they seem to be...

_This is your second year in college, not your first. Get over these little Freshman gitterbugs!_ I shake my head in self-disapproval. No matter what year of school it is, whether it's fifth grade or seventh grade or tenth or eleventh, I manage to sweat myself crazy with nerves. _At least I know what to expect this year._

Last year took me by surprise; I wasn't expecting the constant studying, or the strenuous essays, or the large, obnoxious parties. By the time I was in my second month of my freshman year in college..I was a zombie, practically dead. I swear I even saw flies buzzing around my head. I was wondering how I would survive. There is one word to answer that: Allison Luna.

Allison Luna-my roomate, my best friend, and the best eye-roller in the country: my savior. When I first met her Freshman year, I didn't think it would be possibe for us to get along; we were-are-complete opposites!

She is a blonde-haired goddess with a body Aphrodite would kill for: skinny, with subtle curves and small but perky breasts, and a perfect tan that matches the shade of her light brown eyes. Everything about her was perfection, her angelic visage, her hair, nails, feet...you name it. All was perfect. And with that perfection, she holds high confidence in herself and a perky, out-going, fun personality. Allison is entertaining, smart, and a Christian, but most importantly, she is kind hearted.

At first, I did not know that about her. I thought she was a-ahem-a bitch.

And most of my thinking and judgement (and I am not usually a judgemental person) came from instant jealousy. I felt like a complete fat and frumpy dork around her, and I hated it! So I did everything I could to not become friends with her. But nothing stopped her. She continuously pursued my friendship, and boy am I glad she never gave up.

The first doubt of my judgment towards her appeared when I saw her working at a day-care center. I was looking for a job at the time and I love kids, so I thought I'd take a look there. I wasn't too pleased when I saw her working there as well. But something melted my heart when I saw her tending this wounded little boy. His cheeks were tear-stained, his eyes red from crying. Allison placed him on top of a table, her face bent toward his knee where small droplets of blood were running down.

"Now, Jake," Allison soothes the boy, "can you now see why we have that 'no running' rule?"

Jake nods, sniffing a blubbery slurp. "Yes..."

"You aren't in trouble, nor are you going to be punished. This is a good lesson for you." Allison looks at the boy as she rips open a Spongebob band-aid. "Will you make me proud by following that rule? I don't like seeing you, or any one of my little peeps, get hurt."

The boy nods again and Allison puts on the band-aid. "There," she mumbles to herself, "all done." The boy examins his knee with interest, using his finger to outline the band-aid. "Jake, would you like a lollipop?" Allison holds out three different flavors: lime, cherry, and lemon.

The boy nods earnestly, his mouth hanging open.

"Which flavor?"

"Yellow."

Allison plucks the "yellow" flavored lollipp from her hand and gives it to Jake. This was the first time I saw Allison in a different light. I thought that maybe, deep down, she did have a good heart.

I didn't apply for the job though.

The time my heart changed about her completely was when I saw her rescue this boy at our school getting bullied. I just walked into the cafeteria when I realized that there was a huge crowd swarmed around in the middle. _What's going on?_ I thought. I headed toward the crowd, pushing my way through to get myself to the front.

I couldn't believe my eyes. Who knew Aphrodite herself would have such morals, especiall in front of a crowd.

"You _jerk!_ You bastard! Why don't you leave the poor guy alone?!" Allison is face-to-face with the brawniest boy I've ever seen. He looked like he was a weight lifter. My eyes widen in amusement and pure shock. On the ground I see a poor boy with glasses hanging from one ear, his face down, his eyes closed, his breathing harsh. Blood is pouring from his nose. The ground is covered with utensils, salad, and milk.

My observations are interrupted when a deep voice speaks up. "Yeah, and what's a tiny thing like you going to do about it?"

_The intimidation technique..._ I think to myself. _How trite._

"You just can't bully people," Allison starts up again, not backing down. "Do you know how damaging it is to a person's soul?"

I know now that Allison wants to be a psychiatrist. After this performance, I can see that she will be dedicated to her job.

"No and I don't care. He's a wimp and dork." The guy says.

He's starting to make me really pissed off.

"The boy could dig his own grave for all I care!" He looked like he was going to pummel Allison if she didn't move soon.

That's it. I hate it when things go by without justice. I may not have the confidence Allison has, or the beauty, but I'm not going to just stay here and do nothing!

Gathering up my courage and all the confidence I can gather, I walk out next to Allison. "Why don't you dig your own!" The cafeteria is dead silent.

Allison looks at me with curiosity and surprise. I look at her and smile. _Why don't we make this a truce between us?_ Though I said this message to her with my eyes, I know she understood because she smiled back at me with equal warmth. The two of us faced this big bully together and we won.

We were also taken to the Principle's office for "fighting." I couldn't believe it. I've never been taken to the principle's office before.

At least I am there for a good reason.

After that, Allison and I got along perfectly, we became best buds-sisters! We are-

_Present day..._

"Amy, I know this already!" Allison lightly shouts at me, interrupting my story. "You're telling me stuff that I participated in!"

I glare at her. "Shush!"

Allison rolls her eyes, but follows my command.

"I'll skip some of it, alright?"

"Go to the part where you start a relationship with Jack," she demands.

I nod. "Okay. Well, you know how we met. It was in drama class, and no one wanted to partner up with me, right?" Allison nods her head. "He did and I thought he was gorgeous..and he still is!" Jack Crowe is the most beautiful man I'd ever layed eyes on: blond hair, blue eyes, a deep tan, muscles...I drooled when I first saw him. Literally. It was embarrassing. "Well, we immediately developed a connection toward one another; we became very close. And we eventually became a couple..."

_Six months ago..._

I was staring at the amazing angel in front of me. How could I be this lucky to find a guy as caring and generous as him? And what's even more amazing is that Allison, my best friend, my sister, liked him, too. And so do my parents. Now _that_ was a miracle.

We were celebrating my birthday at this restaurant just down the road from our college. It was Italian and it was delicious. _But not as delicious as you..._ I thought as I continued to stare deamily at him.

Jack was ordering food for me and him-I told him what I wanted a few minutes ago and he remembered exactly what I wanted.

The waitress leaves and Jack turns back to look at me. "Hey, birthday girl." He smiles at me and I smile at him. I scoot closer to him. We are sitting in a booth, so all I do is slide next to him. I cuddle against him and he wraps an arm around me. I sigh against his shoulder. Even with his big muscles he is still soft and warm.

I also get cold easily, so it's nice to have a personal heater.

I hear Jack swallow hard. "Amy, there's a question that's been burning on my tongue for a while."

I look up at him. "What is it?"

He's uncomfortable. I can tell because of the small twitch that began disturbing his right eye. It's a quirk I discovered quickly, and I find it adorable.

"Well..." Jack looks me in the eyes. "We've known each other for how long now?"

I think back. "Four weeks..."

He nods. "We became great friends quickly, and I trust you like I've never trusted anyone before." His words warmed my heart. "I think we both know that we have...feelings for each other."

I nod, a blush spreading along my cheeks. "Yes..."

"I-I want to continue being with you...forever, Amy."

My eyes widen.

"I want you to be my girlfriend and I'd be honored if you would accept me to be your boyfriend." Jack looks at me in the eyes, his are filled with earnest, exposed feelings and slight worry of rejection. He, however, had nothing to fear.

I feel tears come into my eyes. "Oh, Jack. Of course!" I jump at him, squeezing him with my arms. Jack gives a startled laugh that soon becomes heart-felt.

"Amy..." I hear him whisper. We both pull back. I look at him, my eyes are, no doubt, filled with little hearts. Then he did something that made my breath stop.

My first kiss happened right there. Tingles crept from my lips and made a path down my body. Our kiss, which was suppose to be small and simple, became heated much too quickly. I pull away from him fast, my chest heaving from elation.

Jack looks at me concerned. "Is everything okay?"

I nod, feeling embarrassed at myself for almost giving the whole restaurant a show. "I'm fine, it's just...Jack." I take a breath. "I'm the kind of person who-what I mean to say is-" Jack looks at me expectantly. I open my mouth, then close it again, unsure how to form my words.

_You need to tell him,_ I tell myself. _He needs to know. It's only fair._

"Go ahead and say it, Amy. We are together now and we need to talk about how we feel." Jack assures me.

I look away from him and bite my lip. "Jack, I-I'm not..." I sigh and try again. "Jack, I'm a virgin." My cheeks flame. Oh joy.

"Okay." That's the only thing he says. I'm guessing that's his way of saying 'go on.'

"And I still plan to be one, that is, until after my wedding day." I say this slowly and as lightly as possible. I hope this won't end our relationship or threaten it. I know Jack is not a virgin. He has had plenty of girls in his past; I'm probably the first who would deny him sex before maritals.

Jack looks at me silently for a very long time. My fingers start to pick at my nails. "Amy...Amy look at me."

I do.

"I'm not going to force myself on you." He takes hold of my hand. "I find it admirable that you want to wait; I will honor your wishes."

I smile at him.

"As long as if you are by my side and you grant me kisses and hugs and cuddles," he laughs when I give him a sheepish look, "then I'll be alright."

I nod to him. "Thank you."

There began our relationship. I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. I had a handsome, kind, considerate, smart boyfriend. That day we celebrated two things: the day of my birth and the birth of our relationship. Everything was so perfect...the key word being "was".

_Present Day..._

Allison is silent as she listens to my story. "And this is the same man who's been.. "abusing" you?" she asks skeptically. I can see why she's as confused as I was. I thought Jack was kind and considerate-how far from the truth!

"Trust me, Allison, no one could masquerade their monstrous appearance as well as he can."


	3. Chapter 3: Changes

_Present Day..._

Sighing to myself, I slowly rise off the toilet seat. I can't sit down anymore; I need to walk, to run, to do something. I need to do anything else than just let myself be tortured with my thoughts. I begin my small pace within the confines of the bathroom, my thoughts in a whirlwind.

_What am I going to do? I can't tell Jack-who knows what he'll do. My only option is to keep this as a secret, at least until I can. Until then, I need figure something out..._

I stop my pacing in the middle of the bathroom. _I want a drink...any drink will do. _Letting out another big breath, my hands clench onto the edge of the sink. Frustrated tears begin their formation. I do my best to push them down, to force them away. That results in a headache. Pitifully, I raise my head up and get a good look at myself in the mirror. I almost gasp at the person staring back at me.

_Is that...me? _I am in disbelief. _I look exceptionally pale._ _Even paler than usual...must be from the stress and worry. No nineteen year old should look this way...should be in this position. _I continue to look at myself. I observe my long, red, curly hair, my face, my body-everything that is me. I _am_ the opposite of Allison in every way. I am curvy (more like a pear shape) and am not thin. However, I'm not fat either. Freckles cover my face and my skin is a marble white, almost transparent. I have to say, if there is one thing I am confident about, it's my skin. It's like ivory and I adore it.

The thought produces a weak smile on my face.

On their own, my eyes travel to my stomach; focusing, almost admiring it. I already have a little bit of a bump from just being curvy, but now...I can just imagine it growing bigger and bigger.

_A baby..._

I rub the lower region of my tummy. I can imagine my stomach growing bigger, but I can't imagine my stomach growing bigger _because_ of a baby. I can't imagine feeling the baby in my stomach. I can't imagine feeling motherly love or a connection that deep. I can't imagine feeling the baby's kick. I can only see, not feel.

I turn to my right, staring at my profile. I see my stomach protruding in the shape of a vertical watermelon. My hand goes back to my stomach.

_My baby..._

Allison bursts in through the door, scaring me senseless. In her hands she holds her lunchbox. "Sorry. I know it was rude to interrupt your story like that but I just had to go get my lunch!"

I smile at her. "I understand." Pretending like nothing happened, I walk back to the toilet and sit down again.

Allison follows and sits on the floor next to me. She opens up her lunchbox. In it is a tuna sandwich, an apple, and a small bag of chips. Allison, her eyes wide with greed for food, rips open the package of her sandwich and takes three immediate huge bites. I bite my lip to hold in laughter. Allison, I swear, can eat like a bear and not gain weight. Meanwhile, I have to count my calories and exercise till my limbs fall off.

Allison, holds a hand over her mouth. "Do you want some?" She holds the sandwich several inches from my face.

It looks good, delicious even, but the smell is making me nauseous. "N-no thanks."

Allison shrugs and continues to eat. "When did you suspect you might be pregnant?"

I release a breath. "My first sign was that I was three days late."

"Of what?" Allison's jaws smack as she talks.

I look down at her. "Really?"

She looks back at me, naivete clearly written on her face. "'Really' what?"

"You don't know what I mean by 'three days late'?" I ask, unable to believe my ears. My mind can't compute with this. I would think every girl would understand _that_.

Allison thinks for a while, a small frown appearing on her face as she continues to chew her sandwich. Then I see a lightbulb go off. "Oh!"

"Yeah..."

"Wow-phfft! That was dumb of me." Allison takes the last bite of her sandwich.

_Ladies and gentleman the fastest sandwich-eater award goes to...Allison Luna!_

I chuckle to myself. "We all have those days."

Ignoring me she asks another question, "Was that the only clue you had or were there more?"

I lick my lips, leaning my head against the wall. "There was one more."

"What was it?"

"Morning sickness." I almost gag from the thought. That was the most horrible experience of my life. The smell, the tug of the stomach, the feel of coughing up a lung-not fun!

"Eww..." Allison mumbles to herself. If she was telling me this story, I would've stopped eating by now, but Allison continues, this time taking a bite of her apple.

"How can you eat at a time like this?" I ask, appalled. "Here I am talking about morning sickness and pregancy and you eat on as if it's nothing!"

"Hey, I need to eat! You know I become Freddie Krueger when I don't eat!"

She's right actually; when she doesn't eat, the claws come out. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just-" I give her an apologetic look. "I'm just-I don't know anymore."

Allison gives me a look full of sympathy. Patting my knee she says, "I understand." She takes another bite. "So har far along do you think you are?"

"About six weeks."

Allison gives me a look of surprise. "Wow...so it's been a while..."

"It's usually when the morning sickness starts."

"Already started researching have you?"

I nod. "Yeah. I'm going to try and make an appointment with an obstetrian later today."

"Oh fun." Allison begins to dig into her chips.

"Yep."

Silence fills the bathroom.

"So, you going to tell me the rest of this story of yours? I want to know what's going on with you and Jack."

I nod again. "I know, I will." I clear my throat, getting ready to speak. "Like I said, everything was going great. I had a great boyfriend who was sweet, kind, considerate...I couldn't have been

happier." My eyes glaze over. "But after a while, things began to change, small things, but noticeable things..."

_Five months ago..._

"I can't believe we're finally doing this!" I squeal as I set my last box down next to the other dozen.

Jack, closing the front door smiles at me. "I know. It's almost surreal."

"I mean I know we've only been together a month, but it feels like we've known each other for ages." I stand back up, stretching my back; several pops make me sigh in relief. I turn around, giving Jack two glorious smiles-one coming from my eyes, the other from my lips. "Do you think that's a crazy thing to say?" I grab Jack's hands in both of mine, worried and curious what his answer would be.

"No," he smiles warmly to me. "That's exactly how I feel as well. Which is why I asked you to move in with me."

I take a deep breath, feeling content with my decision. "Which is why I said yes." Jack brings both of my hands to his lips and kisses them.

Releasing a sigh, he glances at all the boxes. "That's...quite a few boxes you have there." He abensmindedly runs a hand through his hair.

I let out a small snort at his boyish attitude. "Then we better start unpacking..." It was a long and strenous evening, legs began to tire from climbing the stairs with every other box, and arms grew weary from carrying them. Other than that...it was a glorious day. I mean, how could it not be-I got to move in with my angel.

_Present Day..._

"Jack had some money, so he was easily able to buy a house near the college," I explain to Allison.

She nods. "I remember that. You called me up, all excited. Your voice practically glowed!" Allison gives a small eye roll.

I give a weak smile, remembering it all perfectly. I certainly felt like I was floating in Heaven.

"Although, I still don't see any changes in his attitude," Allison continues. "He was kissing you, helping you move in-hell-he _asked_ you to move in. The guy was crazy foy you! I saw the way he looked at you whenever you two were together. Which was always."

"And what look was that?"

"Love."

I scoff. "Close, Allison. The letter 'L' is indeed a part of the word of how he looked at me, but trust me, 'love' wasn't it."

"If not 'love', then what was it?"

I give a slight exasperated sigh, mostly to myself. I'm annoyed that I confused the word 'love' with the other word. "Lust."

"'Lust'?" Allison raises an eyebrow. "As in sexuality?"

I nod grimly.

"But he said he would wait for you."

I give Allison a grim look.

She narrows her eyes. "_Didn't he?_"

Ignoring her accusing tone, I take another deep breath. "This is where the changes begin..."

_Three months ago..._

I can't believe he's suggessting this! I feel unexpected and unwelcomed tears form in my eyes. He said he would wait! He said he could wait!

I feel so stupid.

"Come on, Amy. Please!" Jack looks at me with wide, begging eyes.

I sigh at him, feeling a tear drop from my eye. "No, Jack! I said no. And you said you would wait." My voice cracks at the end.

"I know but _I can't_! I want you so desperately." Jack kneels down to where I am sitting. My head is in my hands, my fingers curling themselves into my hair. I shake my head. Sniffling, I look back at him. His eyes say it all; I can read every bit of emotion in them: lust, begging, lust, and more lust. No love.

No love.

I should have left him at that moment. But I didn't. Why didn't I? Was it a fear to be alone? I don't know...

I shake my head again. "I'm sorry, Jack. But I'm not having sex with you until we are married."

Jack's eyes shift away from mine. His jaw moves slightly, meaning he's grinding his teeth. He's angry with me, irritated. Suddenly he gets up and stomps to the coat rack. He yanks his coat off one of the pegs and forcibly puts it on.

I look at him with fear. "What-where are you going?" I get up on shaky legs and run to him. He ignores me. That frightens me more. "We need to finish talking about this." I touch his shoulder. He yanks it away from my grasp, the back of his hand hitting my face. I fall down from the force of it, not expecting the sudden movement. I lay down on the wooden floor in shock.

_That was an accident...right?_ I gaze back at my seething boyfriend. _Of course it was. Even if we are in an arguement, that wouldn't mean he would hit me..._

Jack rushes to the door, his shoes clomping down hard on the wooden floor. He opens it, but before he walks outside, he looks at me one last time. "You should always show your boyfriend love, Amy!" He sneers before slamming the door shut; I wince at the ferocity of it. The picture hanging on the wall grows askew. I know it's about to fall.

I let out a pitiful cry and scramble to catch it. It falls between my finger tips and smashes to the floor. Broken bits of glass scatter everywhere. I stare at it in deathly silence. One thought runs through my head:

_What have we come to?_

Whimpering, I pick up the pieces of glass. With each piece, I remember every single moment we've been together, all of them happy. What had happened to make it so wrong? Carefully, I stand up with the broken pieces in my hands. I walk to the kitchen and throw them in the garbage, hearing the glass tink together as they fall. I walk back to the picture on the floor. I pick up the frame, some of the glass fragmants are still conected to it. The picture is one of Jack and I at our favorite restaurant; the time of my birthday, the time when we first became a couple.

Staring at the photo, I sink down to the ground, my back against the wall.

What did he mean by that last comment? The one where he said I need to show him love? Don't I do that already? You don't have to have sex to do that...do you? I kiss him and hug him. I ask about his day, I take care of him when he isn't feeling well, I listen to him and talk to him. I'm his best friend. His lover.

Without the physical benefits.

With silent tears, I stand up. Holding the frame to my chest, I begin my long ascent upstairs.

And where did he go? Probably to a restaurant of some sort. Hopefully when he comes back he will be himself again.

I open the door to our bedroom. I stand in the doorway for a minute. I bring the frame away from my chest, gazing at it longingly one last time before gently setting it down on my dresser. Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I let out a sniff and walk to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror.

I let out a small gasp. A bright red mark highlights my cheek. That must be where Jack hit me.

I shake my head. No...Jack did not hit me...it was an accident.

Sighing, I turn on the faucet, letting cold water run. I cup my hands and bring the water to my face. I do this three times, sighing in conent at the feeling of ice-cold water putting out the hot singe of my damaged cheek. Squinting at myself, I can feel a headache coming on, a pounder too.

"Oh, man..." I murmur. I open the medicine cabinet, looking for some advil. I dig it out and pop two pills into my hand. I walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. There's a bottle of water near my bed stand. I open the bottle, bringing one pill to my mouth. I pop it in and gulp a big sip of water. The pill runs down smoothly. I hold up the other pill, it drops to the floor and rolls under my...our bed.

"Dang it." I get on my hands and knees. Looking underneath the bed, my eyes grow wide in shock. I couldn't believe what I saw. Tears started pouring as a maelstrom of possibliities roll around in my head.

_No...it can't be. He wouldn't do this. No!_

_Present day..._

"What Amy? What happened?" Allison's voice was on edge, intrigued with my story. "What did you see?"

I smile at her. "Why, my dear Allison, that was when I found a pink-laced bra underneath _our_ bed."

"So?"

I chuckle lightly at Allison's confusion. "That wasn't my bra."

_Five months ago..._

With a trembling hand I reach underneath the bed, completely forgetting the pill and my headache. Feeling the soft material, I slowly drag it out. The lacy, pink bra looks expensive...and it looks fairly new...


	4. Chapter 4: Confusion and Consideration

_Present day..._

Allison is pacing the bathroom, barely able to control the rage boiling in her. "I can't believe he would do that to you!"

I nod, staying calm. "I know..."

"I mean, the possibility of Jack cheating on you is absolutely absurd, not to mention ridiculous!"

I nod again. "I know."

"And he _hit_ you!" Allison stops mid-stride. Her hands twitch as they ball-up into fists. "I just can't believe it. I _never_ would have suspected that kind of a dick move from him!"

I look at Allison in surprise. I was about to say something when we are interrupted by a loud knocking at the door.

"Hey!" A shrill voice calls on the other side of the door. "What are you doing in there? Having a baby?"

I paled. She doesn't know how close to the truth she really is. Allison charges at the door with a heavy breath and an eye roll. "Hey, asshole, mind your own business and use the men's if you got to go so bad!"

"No, Allison," I say, standing up. "We should get out of here. We can't stay in here forever."

_And the kids are probably wondering where we are,_ I add to myself.

After Allison and I stood up to that bully in our freshman year, I immediately went to apply for the day-care job. Taking this job was the best thing I ever did. I love playing with them, helping them with schoolwork, everything. And I'm learning a ton of great tips on how to handle delicate situations, such as who gets to play on the swing set first. Now, with my current situation, it looks like that this newly gathered information might come in handy.

Allison gives me a biting look that says, _shut up and I mean it._ "No! No Amy, we are going to stay here because we need to...and we were here first."

"There are _two_ of you in there?!" The voice on the other side says. I have no idea who this girl is, but I don't like what her tone is suggesting.

"Shut up!" Allison growls. "I'm already a pissed off woman, you don't need to meet me as a raged woman!"

Silence was met on the other side of the door.

"Is she gone?" I haven't moved from my spot.

"Let me check." Allison unlocks the door and peeks out. "Yep, it appears to be that way." She brings her head back in and locks the door. "That'll teach her..."

I smile. "Allison, I don't think I've ever seen you behave or act as rashly before in my life. Nevermind cussing!"

Allison gives me an evil smile. "Never underestimate me, my dear."

"Didn't you say you aren't a big cusser?" I sit down on the toilet, feeling relaxed again. "I have heard you cuss before, but it always shocks me. I mean you do go to Church and have church groups, so I guess that's why it always surprises me when you do."

Allison smirks. "Leave it to you when it comes to virtue and following rules. Don't worry about it, Amy, let's just continue with this conversation. What else did that asshole do to you?"

Feeling a little bit lighter because of recent happenings, my voice is much chipper when I continue: "To say I was perterbed by finding an "unknown" bra underneath our bed is an understatement." Never mind; despair is returning ten-fold. "Jack came home really late last night, smelling of alcohol and perfume. I suspected him of cheating, still do."

"Wait, so you don't know whether he's cheating on you or not?"

"As of right now? No." I shake my head. "I still haven't got enough proof to put the claim on him."

"So you haven't accused him of it either?" Amy rolls her eyes in annoyance. "Why not? You found a bra and he smelled of perfume. To me that's enough to put the jackass in jail."

I place a finger on my nose and smile at her slyly. "Seeing is believing."

"But you haven't seen yet." It was a statement.

"Nope. How about I just finish telling you this story, huh?" I snap. "I'm trying to give you the "short" version."

Another eye roll. "Yeah, yeah."

"I didn't accuse him of it. I couldn't. A part of me didn't want to believe it, so I didn't let myself dwell on the thought. Throughout the next two months, he continued to beg me for sex. And each night he would go out angry and I would always find some sort of bruise on my body; always caused from his temper." I sigh, trying to not let the memories get to me. "Even though I tried to make myself forget about the bra, I couldn't. I hid it in my room, hoping to forget about the fact that Jack might be cheating. Subconsciously, I was looking for clues. There was this one time..."

_Three months ago..._

I wipe a hand across my brow. Hard work in the hot sun can make people sweat. Humming to myself, I stand up, looking at my hard work. This took two hours to do; it could've been less if Jack helped me-not like I offered him to anyway, but he didn't ask either. I wipe my hands on my pants, looking at all the flowers I just planted in the backyard.

This has been long overdue, but I just got the money to buy some flowers. I tried to get every kind of flower I could imagine-daisies, tulips, roses (especially roses). I don't know what it is about them, they're just my favorite flower. I bought several different colors, and I can't wait to see how they all look like when they start blooming.

Still humming a small tune, I walk inside, grabbing a cold cup of lemonade I set aside two hours ago. The good thing about gardening is that it distracted me from all the problems Jack and I have been having. And it's still on the "sex" subject. I'm starting to get really annoyed by his constant persisting and whining.

Pushing the memories down, I take a sip of lemonade, letting it refresh my bones and muscles.

Sniffing, I smell something fowl. I sniff again, my nose wrinkling at the rancid smell. I continue to sniff as I turn my nose toward the area where the smell is originating from. And that place is...my armpit. I guess I need a shower. I place the cup in the sink and rinse it out before placing it in the dishwasher. I jog upstairs and walk to our bedroom-if you can call it that anymore. He's always out at night and doesn't come back until one or two in the morning.

And he always smells of perfume.

It makes me wonder about our relationship...

_No! No...I won't think about it._

_Yeah...like that stops me..._

Letting out a deep breath, I open the door to the bedroom.

Surprise stops me stop from entering.

Jack is under the bed, his hand gliding across the floor; it seems like he's searching for something. I stand in the doorway, curious at what he is doing.

"Shit!" I hear him hiss. "Where is it?"

My heart speeds up. Did I just hear that correctly? Is he talking about the bra? But he can't be, right? Jack won't cheat on me. We may be having some troubles, but that wouldn't mean he would just give up on us...right?

Readjusting my posture to look less apprehensive, I finally speak up. "Looking for something?"

Jack gets frightened, hitting his head on the edge of the bed. "Ow!" I wince, but don't move. He jerks his body straight up, his face looking frazzled. "Uhh..."

Gathering strength in my legs, I walk into the room, trying my best to act innocent. I want to know what his reactions will be.

"Oh-" he gives a nervous laugh, "-hey, Amy. When did you get here?"

"Just now." I answer truthfully. "I just finished the garden."

"Oh. Really." he mutters, bending down again.

_He's not paying attention to me. He doesn't even care._ I shake the thought away.

"So what are you looking for?" I take a few more steps forward.

"Um," he lets out a breath, sitting up once again. "I'm looking for something that belongs to a friend of mine..."

"What friend?" I gently persist.

"Oh, uh, just an old friend of mine."

He's being evasive. My stomach flips with anxiety.

"Well, what is the object? Maybe I could help-"

"No!" Jack stands up from the bed. "Thank you, but I don't need help," he adds hastily. He walks to me, his breath slightly uneven.

_Oh, Jack...what is going on with you? You come home so late, you smell like perfume...you accidently hit me and we yell and fight all the time. It seems like you just want me for sex now and that's it. _

After letting those thoughts out, my whole body feels drained. This is why I don't think about our relationship, or at least _try_ not to think about it.

"So what are you doing here?" His voice snaps me from my troubled thoughts.

_'_"Um, actually I came up here to-"

"Take a shower, right?" He raises a brow at me.

"Um, yes."

"Thank God." He walks past me, shoving my shoulder in the process. "Because I think even China would be able smell you! And no man wants a girl who smells like garbage." He walks out of the room without even giving me a second glance.

Hurt stabs my heart. What was that all about? Dread fills me. He's so mean. All he does is insult me, beg for sex, and complain.

Tears sting my eyes. I haven't told anyone what has been going on between us. Not my parents, nor Allison. Something like this feels too embarrassing and too personal to share to others. And I want _us_ to take care of it; it's our job to help one another.

Holding back my tears I take a shower. The warm water helps my body relax, but it doesn't ease my mind from all the horrid thoughts running through my head. If he is cheating, is it because I won't have sex with him? Or is this another side of him that has never been revealed until now? He never acted this way once when we were on dates.

What changed? Why now?

_He said he could wait..._

I can't leave him; I can't loose him. I love him. He's my best friend...and I'm his, I'm sure.

However, if we can't find a solution to solve this problem that we are having...I don't know what I'm going to do...

_Present day..._

"Actually," I say solemnly to Allison. "I knew, deep down, what I was going to do. It was the only way to keep him. Oh God, Allison," I dig my face into my hands. "I was so confused with what was going on...and I was considering some things as well..." I rub my temples. "Several things...and one of them will end up changing my life."

Allison looks at me with a face filled with uncertain fear.


	5. Chapter 5:Giving In

_Present day..._

"Amy you don't mean...? You can't possibly-" Allison stops, choking on her words. She scoffs to herself. "Of course you did...what am I saying?" She's silent and I meet her silence with shame. I am ashamed of what I did. I am very ashamed that I gave myself to him. I used my virginity as blackmail, that's pathetic. But I did it to keep someone important in my life, to keep someone I love.

Or _loved_?

Do I still love Jack? I know my emotions aren't as strong as they used to be, but I also know that I still harbor strong feelings for him. God, this too complex to think about-my mind is malfunctioning.

Although, there is one thing I know with certainty: I don't want to be alone right now. Not at this moment, not when I'm in this situation. I need everyone that's important to me to stay by my side; to guide me and to hold me. I need Allison, my parents-that is, if they don't disown me-and...I need Jack. He is the father of this baby, and hopefully he'll stay to help take care of it...of us.

Frustrated and atrocious tears appear in my eyes. Why did I not listen to myself? Why couldn't I just continue to tell him 'no'? Why did I give in?

"Throughout the last two months, he continued trying to persuade me to have sex with him, which also included a lot of complaining. I was starting to get really annoyed with it. And at him. You know-" I release a shaky laugh, tears beginning to fall from my eyes "-I'm starting to wonder if maybe I just gave into him because of fear. I was so tired of him hurting me, physically and emotionally. I was so tired of hearing him complain to me and about me, making fun of me..." My voice wavers at the end, making my words sound choked. I bring a hand up to my cheek, wiping away my tears.

"So you had sex with Jack," Allison states numbly.

I nod. "Yep. Six weeks ago...we had sex."

_Six weeks ago..._

"Jack...?" I walk into the kitchen nervously, my upper teeth biting my lower lip. My heart is pounding in my ears and my hands are sweating like crazy.

_I can't believe I'm doing this. That I'm going to do this._

Jack is sitting at the kitchen table with his head down, holding a glass of whine in his right hand. He swirls the glass around smoothly, making the wine create it's own torpedo. Jack looks up at me, his eyes dead. "What?"

I wince. His voice is demanding, bitter.

We just had a fight not too long ago. Our fights don't surpirse me anymore; they're all the same and each one includes the same subject: sex. It's always about sex.

Or me refusing it, anyway.

Because of tonight's fight-this isn't the only time this has happened during a fight-I know I ended up with another small bruise on my arm. During the end of our fights, Jack likes to grab some part of my arm whether it's my wrist, my shoulder, or my elbow; it doesn't matter to him. He just wants to get his point across to me. That's what he told me, anyway. He says that way we can look at each other straight in the eyes, so he can dare me to defy him. Somehow, even through my fear, I always to.

His temper has gotten worse. Jack's voice gets loud, almost deafening, but his physical actions are much worse. I have received more bruises from him in these past three months than I've ever had my whole life. Some are still trying to fade, others, recoloring from abuse in the same spot.

He's scary to be around. I don't know when he's going to blow up.

_But I love him...this is love..._

"What?" Jack demands again.

His voice jars me from my thoughts. I take a deep breath. If this is what it takes to save our relationship...then so be it. I don't care whether this is wrong. I don't care if it feels wrong. I don't care...do I?

Actually, I cared very much. But I wasn't prepared to loose him.

"I'll do it," I mumble.

"What?" Jack stretches his neck outwards. "Speak up!"

"I'll do it!"

Jack's eyes rise a little, they sparkle back at me. "You'll do...what?"

I sigh, becomming a little irked.

_How many times do I have to repeat the apparent "wish of your life"?_

I decide to clarify it. "I'll have sex with you."

Jack stalks towards me, his abruptness causes the chair he was sitting in to tumble to the floor. His wine glass soon follows suit, crashing to the ground and shattering into millions of little diamond pieces. For some reason, I'm unable to comprehend any of it. All I could see was the darkened desire in Jack's eyes. I still, frozen with shock.

I have no clue what to do at this point. I said I would do it...now what?

Jack grasps my elbows and I gasp at the sudden movement. I was expecting his grasp to be rough...and I was right. His grip, is no doubt, causing more bruises. Jack starts kissing me. My heart flutters, but whether it's from being nervous or excited, I have no clue. Jack's kiss is rough, slobbery, ungentle, and degrading. He's kissing me as if I'm some sort of stranger, a hussy, a wanton.

Jack drags me upstairs to the bedroom...and that's that...

_Present Day..._

"...he tugged me up the stairs, shoved me on the bed and had his way with me," I state unkindly, resentment filling my body.

_And I didn't do a damned thing. I didn't move, didn't participate, nothing. I layed there like a rag doll._

The bathroom goes deathly silent. Allison is biting her thumbnail. "So that's how it happened, huh? Just like that?"

"Just like that."

Allison looks up at me with somber eyes. "I'm so sorry, Amy."

I shrug. "Don't be. It's my own fault for doing it."

Allison stares ahead. "I can't believe Jack would do that. Would abuse you like that."

I don't say anything. I still can't believe it myself.

"My God." Allison rubs a hand over her forehead, dragging it down to her mouth. "Amy, what are you going to do with all this? I mean, you aren't actually going to stay with him, not after that...right?"

I take a deep breath. "First, I'm going to make an appointment with the obstetrician..." I say, ignoring her other comment.

"Got that," Allison checks.

"Then I'm going to meet up with Jack and talk to him." I let out a breath, hating what I'm going to say next. "After I get over the shock of the news, I'll tell my parents." Everytime I think of telling my parents, colossal waves of fear roll through me. The thought is going to haunt me until I actually do the deadly deed.

"Amy, I'm a little scared for you."

I look at Allison. "Why? They're my parents they won't hurt me."

_I hope._

Allison shakes her head. "No, I wasn't talking about your parents. I was talking about Jack."

Oh. I shift uncomfortably. "What about him?" I can't look at her.

_Please, Allison, don't say it. I beg of you._

"Don't you think it's dangerous to be around Jack? Especially now with all the abuse?"

Of course she says it.

My heart clenchs. I've thought of the same thing. But Jack is better now after we've had sex. He doesn't yell as much anymore, nor does he hurt me.

He doesn't even ask me to have sex with him.

So I think it will be okay.

I think.

Besides he's the father, he'll take care of the baby. And he'll do it well. He is a good guy. I know;I've seen that part of him.

I shake my head. "I don't think so."

I hear Allison take a breath, as if ready to say something else, but exhales it with no words.

_Good. _I think to myself. _Because I wouldn't even listen to what you have to say anyway. _

"When are you going to tell him?"

I close my eyes. "I don't know. Maybe later tonight. The sooner the better, right?" I was trying to sound uplifting, but my voice could only produce dryness.

Allison nods. "We should probably be heading back."

"Yep." I stand up, feelings my bones crack from being in that one position for too long.

Allison mimicks me. Groaning and running a hand along her back, she bends backwards. I hear a few pops before she straightens herself. I look at Allison, my eyes worried. "Hey," Allison puts a delicate hand on mine. "If anything bad happens, I'll be here for you. All you got to do is call or stop by the apartment." She nods. "Okay?"

I nod, feeling more tears arise. "Okay," I whisper back.

Allison gives me a tight hug. I hug her back, needing the feel of someone being next to me. After a few moments, I'm the first one to pull away. "Well, we bettter get going."

Allison bites her lips, seeming troubled. "Before we go, I have to ask something..."

I stop at the door, my hand on the handle. "What is it?"

"Now, don't get angry at me."

_Uh-oh,_ I think. _Where is this going?_

"But I have to ask..." Allison takes a few heistant steps towards me. "How...was _it_?"

I close my eyes, hanging my head back. "Oh, God!" I groan.

"I know, I know. I can't help it!" A small smile grows on her lips. "As a virgin myself, I want to know."

I shake my head, smiling drily. "You really want to know?"

She nods her head enthusiastically.

"Painful."

A look of disgust crosses her face. "Painful? Really?"

I nod. "It hurt, but of course, Jack wasn't the most gentle person in the whole universe." It's true. But I'm giving Allison the light version. All I remember from him is _pain_. His touch caused pain, his kiss caused pain, everything about him caused pain. I remember not doing anything either. I let him do all of it. I remember his vulgar words (no sweet talk at that time) and I remember him crying out in ecstasy. I remember that I was beginning to feel pleasure, but he finished without me...wait a minute...

"I don't think I even had an orgasm," I think out aloud. I slap a hand over my mouth, my eyes growing wide. Whoops. Didn't mean to say _that_ aloud.

Allison looks at me, flabbergasted. "What?!"

I recover myself quickly. "Nothing." I clear my throat. "Let's go." Before Allison could utter another word, I turn the door handle and throw the door wide open. I walk quickly to where the kids are, knowing that once I get there, I will be safe from Allison's probing questions.

We would never, _never,_ have that kind of a conversation in front of these kids.

"Wait, Amy!" I hear her harsh breathing a few feet away. "What did you say!?"

I laugh at her pushy tone and ignore her. I begin to pick up speed, slightly jogging through the hallway,. I'm only a few feet away from the door that leads to the playground. The kids love it out there!

"Wait, ugh! Amy!" Allison cries, her voice whiny. "Tell me what you said back there!"

I laugh again. Allison and her never-ending curiosity.

I push open the door. Kids voices, yells, and giggles could be heard from every corner.

Safe.

Still laughing, this is the most fun I've had in the last hour, I glance back at Allison who's giving me a hard look. She sticks her tongue out at me. I wink back at her. This is the moment where all my worries begin to vanish. I know that everything will be okay. I have her with me, my friend that will never abandon me when things get rough.

Safe.


	6. Chapter 6:Appointment and Shock

"Allison," I sneak up behind her, talking softly. "Can I have a ride home? I already called Jack but I couldn't reach him." Work ended about ten minutes ago. Our boss wasn't feeling well, so he called off the staff so he can go home. I figured it'd be hard to reach Jack because we got off an hour earlier than usual; I still had hope, though.

Allison looks at me with bright but dull eyes. "Sure!" I can tell that today's earlier question has been completely forgotten. Thank the Lord. Taking care of kids can make you forget. They can also keep you busy and make you extremely tired.

_You are going to be a calm baby..._ I insist. _You are going to be a non-busy baby._

"Just give me a few minutes and then we'll go."

I nod. "I'm going outside. I'll be by the car." _There's something important I need to do._

Slightly in a hurry, I walk out to the parking lot. Standing by her car, I take out my cell phone and dial the number I've been needing to dial. I found this great Obstetrician place yesterday online. The doctors seem to be friendly and the center appears to be very organized.

I guess now we'll find out how correct my assumptions were.

I hold the phone to my ear, waiting for someone to pick up.

"Hello, welcome to Reynold Medical Center. My name is Rebecca how can I help you today?" That was said with perfect precision and clarity. My eyebrows raise in surprise. _I guess they know what they're doing._

I clear my throat. "Hi, I was hoping to make an appointment."

"Of course, what for?" The voice is cheery yet serious at the same time.

"I want to get check-well, you see...I-I'm pregnant," I whisper quietly. I quickly search the parking lot for listening ears. When did I get so paranoid?

"Yes, dear, that's usually the reason why people call Reynold Medical." The voice is teasing. I can't help but blush. I feel so stupid right now!

"Well-I-I-oh..." I'm so flustered, it's nuts!

I hear a laugh on the other end. "It's okay, dear. I've heard a lot worse from others who are just like you. Okay, let's see..." I hear paper noises on the other line. "I do have to ask you some personal questions."

"I understand."

"Name?"

"Amy Stein."

"Age?"

I gulp. I hope she doesn't judge me. "Uh...n-nineteen."

There's no response, only the sounds of paper being shuffled. "Sex?"

I pause, suddenly stumped. "R-really?"

"I know it's dumb, but they have to know."

"Can't you just put my sex for me?" I ask.

"Sadly, no, it's required that I ask everything...even the obvious," she sighs.

"Female," I mumble.

"How far along are you in your pregnancy?"

"Six weeks, I think."

"Have, or have you had, any obvious pregnancy symptoms?"

"Morning sickness. That's it."

"Have you had any other kids before?"

"No!" I shout, shocked. I close my eyes, trying to calm down. "Sorry, you didn't deserve that."

"Well that question wasn't deserved either." I could hear a small smile in her voice.

I chuckle. "I'm sorry, what's your name again?" I suddenly feel the need to respect this woman; to at least know her name.

_To at least _remember_ her name more likely._ I've always been horrible at that. I can never seem to remember the name of someone who I've only met a few times. I need to know them for a long time before I remember.

"Rebecca," she says.

"Rebecca," I repeat. "Thank you for not being judgmental."

"Don't worry about it, it's not our business...well, it kind of is-anyway!" I hold back a small chuckle. "Just a few more questions. Any allergies?"

"No."

"Okay..." she murmurs. "Any parents or siblings?"

"Parents yes, siblings no."

"Okay." Papers ruffle together like rough leaves. "Okay, that's all the information that's needed at the moment. Once you come in for your appointment more paper work will be needed to be filled out and you will need your medical card and ID with you. All the usual stuff."

I nod before remembering that she can't see me. "Of course."

"And now, is there any specific doctor you want to see?"

"I-I don't know..." I trail off. "Preferably a woman."

"When would you like your appointment?"

"Shouldn't we continue to talk about the doctor?" Sensing that was rude, I try to explain. "Well, because you know, to make an appointment with the doctor...thing...yeah."

_Tried_ to explain. _Tried._

I hear Rebecca release a small laugh. "Our system works a bit differently. When need to pick a day, week, month, whatever, then we see which doctor is available. So, small warning, you may not get a woman."

I blush. "Okay." I'm not sure how much I like the thought of having a man examine me like that. But I need to get this appointment. Or...I can hang-up and look for a different organization.

_But this is the only one you liked! _I argue with myself. _It's close to home, organized, clean, and they do seem like nice people._

I sigh to myself. Yeah, I'm going to stick with this medical center.

"Um, maybe this week. Like Saturday at noon or later?" I ask. I want to have this appointment soon and at a time when I'm not disturbed at school.

"Okay..." I hear clicks. She's probably on the computer looking at the schedule. "Are you still in school, dear?"

"Yes, I am."

"You are what?" A voice says behind me.

I whirl around. "Allison!" I hiss at her.

"What are you doing?" She eyes the phone.

I clench my teeth and grimace. I wanted to finish this before she was done. "Making _the_ appointment." I emphasis 'the', hoping she'll understand.

"Oh." Allison takes out her keys. "Well, get in the car. I'll drive you home while you do that."

I nod, moving to the other side of the vehicle. "Allison," I gently grab her arm. "Don't tell anyone, please?" I feel so horrible for asking. I mean…she's my friend, I can trust her. I guess I really am getting paranoid.

Allison's eyes soften. "Of course I won't. Promise."

I smile at her and whisper a 'thank you'. I continue to walk to the passenger side of the car.

"Are you talking to me, dear?" Rebecca asks on the other line.

I like how she calls me 'dear'; it's kind of calming. "Oh, no. I was talking to my friend. She's driving me home." _Okay, Amy, Rebecca doesn't want to know _all _the details of your life, _I chastise myself.

"Does this friend know about your pregnancy?"

I wince out loud. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to that. "Yes, she does."

"Good. It's always been a recommendation of ours that the patient, or the person who's pregnant, to tell a close friend. That way she doesn't withhold all the information to herself," Rebecca explains.

"Oh," I let out a breath. "That's good."

Allison starts up the car. I put on my seatbelt.

"Another question," Rebecca starts. "And this one is kind of personal but the doctor needs the info. Is the father still around? Or have you told him yet?"

I freeze. "Um, it's complicated."

"How so?"

"It's personal." Meaning, I don't want to say.

"I see. So is that a 'no' or a 'yes'?"

I stay quiet for a minute. "Is there a 'I don't know' section?"

Rebecca laughs. "I wish, dear, but no."

"Can we always change the answer later?" That was a difficult question to ask. But what can I say? For all I know, Jack would want nothing to do with the baby. Or worse, he'll want me to get an abortion.

_Now, will I follow through with that if he tells me too?_ My mind mocks. Will I do everything Jack tells me to do?

No. I decided. No, I won't.

"Yes, we can," Rebecca's voice is quiet, like she understands that personal question herself. It makes me want to ask what happened to her. _If _something happened to her.

I sigh. "Okay, I guess 'yes' for now." I hear a pencil scratch against some paper.

"We do have an opening on Saturday at two, does that work for you?"

"Yeah, it does."

"Okay, great. I'm sorry to say that you will be getting checked by a man. But don't worry," she adds quickly, as if sensing my discomfort. "He's a nice guy and highly intelligent. I highly recommend him. Nadir Khan is brilliant."

"Nadir?" I ask, trying to repeat his name the same way she did. "Where the heck is he from?" I bite my lip. That was soo rude! "Sorry. I-"

Allison looks at me with wide eyes, amusement plastered on her face.

_Oh, shut up!_ I think to her.

"It's fine. Those hormones are kicking in already, I see." Rebecca is teasing me again.

I let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, it's like being sixteen again." _But at least being sixteen was fun and carefree, _I think hastily.

"Well, if you must know, he's Persian."

That explains the name. "Alright. Set me up with him, then."

Allison looks at me, her eyebrows raised. _He?_ She mouths to me.

_Later._ I mouth back.

"I already did." There's a knowing smile in her tone. "Trust me on this, Dr. Khan is brilliant. He checked me when I was pregnant."

"Oh..." I don't know what to say to that. Do I say 'congratulations' or how about 'oh, how is the baby'? I don't know. Finally I come up with, "Thanks, Rebecca."

Don't judge me.

"No problem, dear. If you have anymore questions don't hesitate to call."

"Thank you," I repeat.

"Have a good rest of the day."

"You too."

We both hang up.

"A man?!" Allison says as set my phone aside. "You have an appointment with a man!?"

I sigh. No point in talking to her when she's like this.

"A man!" Allison scoffs in disbelief. "I can't believe it! What was his name again? Kanir...something or other?"

"Nadir Khan."

"Nadir Khan..." She repeats in a soft tone. "That's...kind of a cool name."

I gaze at her. There was a gentleness to her voice I've never heard before. My eyebrows almost raise to the roof of the car when I see a special glint blaze in Allison's eyes. I almost burst out laughing.

"Aww," I tease, snapping Allison back to being her agitated self. "Someone fell in love." _And all it took was knowing his name._

Her cheeks are slightly pink. "Don't be ridiculous, Amy. Your just seeing things because of your pregnancy."

"Oh, no you don't! Don't start with that whole she's-pregnant-so-she-doesn't-understand-what-she-sees-or-does business. I know what I saw in your eyes."

Allison rolls those very two objects. "Can we move on from this whole conversation? I thought you would like a woman to, you know...examine you."

"I did. It's just not how their system works."

"Well then how does it work?"

"The patient picks a day then the secretary choses the doctor that is free at that given time."

"That is different," she agrees.

"Yeah, so now I'm stuck with-" I pause, puckering my lips, acting like I'm ready to swoon. I make my voice wispy, "-Nadir Khan..."

"Shut. Up." Allison snaps.

"You don't even know him." I go back to my normal self, satisfied with her reaction.

"Nope. That's why I don't have a dreamy face or goo-goo eyes or whatever you want to call it."

I smirk at her. _Whatever you say, my friend._ I guess something about Nadir's name got her attention. Some names are very attractive. I know that Allison always had a thing for foreign names. I like something more elegant and manly. Jack is a good, manly name, but it's not elegant enough for me. I've always preferred the name Erik. It's a good, strong name with an elegance to it that I can't explain.

"When is your appointment?" Allison asks.

"In two days. Saturday at two," I clarify.

"Want me to come?" Based on the sound of her voice, I can tell she is seriously asking simply because of support, not because of wanting to meet the man behind the name.

I shake my head. "No. I'll be okay."

We drive the rest of the way home in silence. Once there, Allison parks her car in the lot. I look up at the house. The lights are off, except for one in the bedroom.

_Odd,_ I thought. _If he's home, how come he didn't answer his phone?_

Usually he gets off half an hour earlier than we do. But, like I said, because we got off an hour early, I wasn't expecting him to answer his phone. This is just odd.

"Didn't you say he didn't answer his phone?" Allison could very well be a mind reader.

I nod my head. "Yeah." I look at her and put on a fake smile, trying to get rid of my confusion. "Thanks for the ride home."

"Anytime." I get out of the car and slam the door shut. "Call me if you need anything!"

"I will!" I shout over the roar of her vehicle. I stay put until Allison's car is out of sight.

_I really need a car._ I think to myself. I lost mine about two weeks ago. I took it to the shop because it was making weird, crunchy noises. The mechanic literally told me, "I don't know how your still alive. This car is ready to fall apart at any minute." So, that was the end of my baby car, a Volkswagen bug.

With today's events on my shoulders, my steps feel heavy as I walk to the door. I knock, hoping Jack will get it. I don't feel like digging out my keys. After a minute, I knock again. Still no answer. I ring the doorbell.

Nothing.

I guess I will have to use my keys. I dig out my keys from the depths of my purse and unlock the door. As soon as I open it, music pounds my ears. Loud, obnoxious, rock 'n' roll music. The door is pretty sound proof, so there's no surprise that I didn't hear it on the other side. What is a surprise is the type of music Jack put on.

It is vulgar! Dirty!

I wince in disgust.

_This is not music!_

I prefer pop and classical. Not roll-in-the-dirt disgusting!

"Jack!" I yell, but I can barely hear my own voice. Covering my ears, I place my purse on the couch in the living room, throwing my phone along with it. "Jack!" Still covering my ears, I run upstairs. The door to our bedroom is shut.

Running to it, I open the door and freeze.

My heart shatters to billions of bits.


	7. Chapter 7: Kicked Out

_Third Person:_

Allison releases a sigh of relief after she shoves the last piece of furniture to its spot.

_It might not be the best circle in the world, but it will do, s_he tells herself.

Bending backwards, she cracks her back, groaning.

It's going to be a busy evening. She has a meeting with her favorite Church group tonight, and she is ecstatic about it, as always. They meet up once a week on Thursdays, sometimes even twice a week, depending on how the group is doing. Occasionally, she'll even do a one-on-one with them, which usually happens in the middle of the night when they call her out of the blue. She always knows it's them because the first thing she hears is their hysterical tears on the other end. It's really heartbreaking to hear, especially since she's really well-connected with some of them.

This particular Church group involves people who are..."different" from others. They really challenge her brain, making her struggle to find a solution to their problems. All she really does is talk to them; asking them about their feelings, seeing how they're doing, trying to know if there is anything new going on in their lives, etcetera. Sadly, whenever something new does comes up, it's not good. Allison also does her best to mention God at some point during their lesson. She tries to give them faith, to make them believe that He does love them, despite their differences toward other people. But it's hard for them to understand why He did this to them. Most of them think He did this to punish them, for whatever reason. That thinking process makes it hard for them to believe in Him.

_And I can't really blame them, _Allison thinks. _They've all had harsh lives._

Even though they have gotten really close to one another personally, there is still a lot of trust issues that need to be solved. Especially with this one guy. Out of the whole group, which is only five people total, he's probably the one who's had it the worse.

He's really protective with himself and with the others (not to mention protective _of_ the others-he almost treats them as a parent would treat a child). Everyone else has already given some hint of their past to Allison, it's only his that remains a secret.

_You must have patience,_ she tells herself. Allison walks into the kitchen, which isn't very big, thanks to her small apartment.

She reaches for the phone. _Better dial up dinner._

They have this small tradition where Allison buys dinner (almost always pizza) and they eat-kind of-and talk. Not everyone eats because then they'd have to "expose" their hidden nature.

After ordering the pizza, Allison sits back down on the couch. She glances at the clock on top of the TV.

Six o'clock. In half an hour they will be coming.

Meanwhile, Allison takes a rest and thinks about her poor friend Amy.

_Poor, Amy..._

Allison was not expecting her day to turn out like this at all when she came into work this morning. She wasn't expecting the urgent text Amy sent her or the positive pregnancy test or Amy's horrifying story.

A strong surge of anger pulses through her veins.

"That jackass!" she snarls, punching a pillow. Something satisfying shoots through her. Allison punches it again. She gets that same satisfying feeling. She punches it one last time, the feeling returns.

She becomes a full on maniac. Allison punches the pillow, imagining Jack's face each time she does. "Take that! And that! Come on, you stupid jerk! Fight back you dumb, stupid, two-faced, four-eyed, hairy-ass-butthole!" The punches become harder and harder with each insult. "You stupid sex-o-HOLIC!" Panting, Allison gives the pillow one last punch. She sits there, trying to regain her breath.

The doorbell rings, intervening her little tantrum.

Allison groans, her body aching.

The doorbell rings again.

She glances at the clock. It's only six-oh-seven. They aren't due for a good forty-five minutes.

A fast, insistent knock.

"Okay, okay. I'm coming," Allison grunts as she picks herself off the couch. Her feet drag themselves across the wooden floor as she opens the door. She gasps. "Amy! Oh my God! What happened? Are you okay?"

There, at the door, was her friend Amy. Duffel bag in hand, eyes red and full of tears, and a bruise forming on her left cheek.

_One hour ago..._

I stand there, shocked and heartbroken at what I am seeing.

I am also quite disgusted.

_I think I'm going to puke. I'm going to puke. To puke..._ However, nothing comes out of my mouth-no vomit, no words, nothing.

It all makes sense now: the bra, Jack's urgent search for it, the late nights, the alcohol and the smell of woman's perfume. I gag at the memories and the sickening thoughts running through my head.

_This can't be happening. This can't be happening..._

_Ohh, it's happening._

My body feels numb; my breath comes out in short gasps.

There, in the bed, is Jack, my boyfriend-MY boyfriend-on top of another girl. A girl who is not me.

My eyes close, tears spilling out.

When you are together with someone, you are suppose to respect one another and desire the other...not other_s_. I respected him and I desired him-this just proves that he's never truly respected or desired me.

_Wake up, Ames. This was his true personality all along. The rest was a facade. You landed yourself in the hands of a beautiful monster: alluring on the outside, a demon on the inside. _

Jack and his...female companion (I wanted to use a more colorful, inappropriate term, but I need to keep some dignity) are kissing. They might've already done the deed, I don't know; all I know is that they are both nude and I'm seeing things I don't want to see.

Nausea makes my stomach lurch. I bring a hand to my tummy, hoping that will somehow soothe it, however, it only makes matters worse as I'm reminded of something: our baby.

My baby.

This baby might not have a father for a while, depending on what's going to happen with Jack and I. This baby _will_ need a father figure in its life eventually, whether Jack is willing participate in it or not.

However, because of this, I'm not sure if I'll be able to look at another man again.

This is a huge eye opener for me. From this, I've learned that outward appearances aren't always what they seem to be. If you want the real person, you need to look deep inside.

Gasps from the bed make me look up in that direction. Maybe they've spotted me… Nope. Instead, Jack and the woman are kissing with fervent emotion. I can see their tongues thrust in and out of their mouthes, their hands grasping things that they shouldn't have even touched to begin with.

You'd think I'd be angry but I'm not. I guess in some way, deep down, I always expected this. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him now. I'm done being treated as garbage. I'm done being a puppet for him. All pity and love for him is gone...

...no, that's a lie; there is still some love for him, even now. A part of me wants to leave him, to break-up with him, but another part of me wants to try to forgive him-to forgive and forget. After all, I do need to do what's best for me.

No...I need to do what's best for the baby. And what is that? Staying with Jack-which is partially selfish because I'm not strong enough to break the strings on my body from his controlling hands-or leaving him for good?

I hear a loud gasp from the bed. "Oh my!" I refocus on Jack and his companion. She is staring at me with wide, fearful eyes. Jack hasn't even noticed me, he's too busy kissing her neck. Even from here, I can see she's a beautiful woman-long, curly hair, trim body, clean complexion; flawless.

"Jack," she whispers. "Jack!"

"What?" His voice is muffled.

"There is a girl in here, watching us!"

I straighten myself with sudden indignation. What a bitc-

"Amy!" Jack's head pops up, his eyes wide. With shaking limbs, he throws himself off the bed, grabbing some pants that are crumpled on the floor. "What are you doing here?"

"I got off work early," I mumble.

Jack looks at the woman. "Josephine-get out!"

The girl scrambles off the bed, grabbing her sprawled clothes from the floor, and runs out of the room, giving me one last look before disappearing from sight.

_She better remember to put on her clothes before she leaves. We have little kids in the neighborhood._

I turn my attention back to Jack. He's staring at me, breathing hard. I wish I can read his stare, but I can't.

I'm the first one to speak. "So...how long has _this-" _I acknowledge the bedroom "-been going on?"

He shrugs, forcing a calm demeanor. "Does it matter?"

"Yeah," I say sharply. "It does."

He takes a moment to answer. "A few months."

I look down, nodding my head. "Is she the one who's been missing that bra?"

Jack looks up in surprise. "You found Anna's bra? When did you..." He trails off when he sees my face.

_Josephine? Anna? Two of them?!_

"There's more than one…" My voice states in a hoarse whisper. I stand there, letting pathetic whimpers escape my mouth.

"Oh, shush!" Jack snaps.

"You shush!" I snap back with all the venom my voice could muster. "You cheater! You liar! You...you...bastard!" I give him a hard shove.

Jack's eyes grow wide. "Amy!"

"Shut up!" I yell. "Was our relationship some sort of a game to you? Did you do all this just to have a one night stand with me?" Jack's body tenses. He's getting angry, but I don't let that stop me. "You made me believe you cared for me, that you loved me! I respected and loved you with all my heart! You have no respect for me!" I let out a soft sob. "You told me you could wait, that I was your one and only! You don't love me..." My voice dwindles off to a soft whisper. "And yet, I still have feelings for you."

Jack snarls, pushing me away from him. "God dammit, Amy! Don't be a drama queen!"

"Don't-don't be a drama queen? Ha! At least I'm not a cheating bastard!" I slump down on the bed then snap back up again. I don't ever want to lay in that bed again. If we are going to remain together we are changing the sheets-no, the whole mattress!

Jack turns to me, standing right above me. "This is _your_ fault, Amy!" I back away. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting off early?!"

"I-I didn't know!"

_Is this my fault?_

"You weren't ever suppose to see this!"

"You weren't ever suppose to _do_ this!"

My head gets thrown to the right. A sharp sting occupies the left side of my cheek. I can't believe it: he hit me. Jack straight-up hit me.

Jack is breathing harshly. "You don't tell me what I can and cannot do-I can do whatever I want!" Jack stomps to the closet, slamming it open. I hear him shoving objects around. "You need to leave, Amy." His words are blunt and stern.

I fall limply to the floor, holding my cheek. My mind can't process what's happening. Jack throws a duffel bag at me. "You're right," he growls, moving his hand to cup my chin, forcing me to look at him. "You were just a one night stand. I only wanted you for one thing and you gave it to me." Jack smirks, pushing my face aside. "Should've kept to your morals. Now, I want you to pack up and get out." He walks to the closet, grabbing a shirt and a jacket. He puts them on. "I'm leaving and when I get back, I want you out of this house."

"W-wait," I look at him dazedly. "A-are you kicking me out?" I small hiccup escapes my lips.

Jack gives a forceful nod. "Yep." Then he leaves. I hear the front door slam shut.

My whole body is dead; I feel nothing, see nothing, and I can't think properly. In a daze, I stand up.

_What do I do now? _I ask myself. _It's probably best if you do what Jack told you to do. He'll calm down later, he'll come back to you..._

I begin to pack my things: my clothes, my bathroom essentials and some money. Trying not to cry, or freak-out, I pick up my purse from the couch and walk out the door. Jack's words continue to repeat themselves in my head: _I only wanted you for one thing. One thing, one thing, one thing...one...thing..._

My body.

I place a hand against my stomach.

My poor baby. Fatherless at this point in time. Daughter or son to a total jackass. In the parking lot, I turn left, heading toward the bus stop. I know where I need to go, who I need to see, who will lend me a bed, comfort, and a warm shower.

I sit on the bus bench, waiting, thinking. Silent tears pour down my face. People walk past me, some give me pitiful stares, others ignore me.

_Am I ready to be without a boyfriend? Without Jack? _

_Will he ever change? Will he ever take me back?_

_Will I always be this weak and pathetic? He cheated on you, Amy! He abused you...and you still want him back?_

Some part of me always will. Some part of me will always need him.

My eyes close and stay closed. They snap back open when I hear the bus in front of me, the breaks hissing loudly once coming to a full stop. I get on the bus, leaving the life I knew, the life I was comfortable with, and head to a whole new world.

_Now..._

Allison hands me my one hundredth tissue as I finish telling her the story. Snot covers most of my face, my cheeks tear-streaked.

Allison's hand rubs up and down my back. "I am so sorry, Amy." She leans towards the coffee table, grabbing the ice pack she retrieved for me, the one I refused. This time I won't. I finish wiping my nose and take the pack from her. I place it gently on my cheek, hissing at the sudden sting of cold.

"Me too," I reply.

Allison sighs, rubbing her eyes. "Well, you can stay here as long as you need. It'll be like a sleepover."

I let out a small snort. "If that's what we're going to turn this into, we're going to need to buy lots of ice cream and cookies and chips. Ben & Jerry's is my preference."

Allison smiles. "At least you haven't lost your sense of humor."

I don't say anything.

"Well," Allison gets up. "I am going to put your bag in the spare room, there you can put your clothes away and make yourself at home."

"Thank you, Allison."

Allison picks up the duffel bag. "What are friends for?" She walks down the hall. With a sigh, I get up from my spot. I haven't been here for a couple of weeks and nothing has changed...except...I walk to a beautiful piano that sits in the corner of the room. It's small, but very fancy. I press a key, releasing beautiful sound. I close my eyes, listening to the serene note.

Allison walks back into the room. "Oh! There you are. Beautiful, isn't it?"

I nod. I've always had a thing for music. Actually, I've always had a thing for anything that deals with creativity. I enjoy acting, singing, writing, but I've never really done anything to improve myself in those subjects. I am taking acting classes, but only because they're fun, not because I want a serious acting career. I've never taking singing lesson before either, nor am I taking any creative writing classes. In fact, I have no clue what I want to do for my future. I may daydream often and sing when I'm alone, but I don't think I could ever go to the next level. Right now, I'm mostly experimenting with my classes, seeing which one calls out to me.

So far, there is nothing.

"When did you get it?" I ask. "This wasn't here the last time I visited."

"It's not technically mine."

"Huh?" I play a few more keys, enjoying the soothing notes.

"It's one of my Church members'. He asked if he could bring it here. Sometimes he plays for us, which is, by the way, amazing. He's an incredible musician."

I nod, acknowledging all that she said. "Why would he bring his piano in here to play with?"

Allison winces in hesitation. "It's hard to explain..." Her eyes pop wide open. "Oh my gosh, what time is it?" She glances at the clock. "Six-thirty." Allison looks at me with wide eyes. "Amy you have to go into your room for an hour and stay there."

I blink; the only response I have toward her sudden command. "What? Why?"

Without answering my question, Allison grabs my hand and tugs me into the hallway. "Because."

"'Because' is not an answer," I grunt, yanking my hand from her grasp. "Tell me why, then maybe I'll do what you want me to do."

"Amy..." Allison whines, her feet jogging in place at an anxious pace. The doorbell rings. Allison gasps. "Ugh, okay, fine. I have a Church group meeting tonight. These people are very suspicious of others they don't know. I've come a long way with them and don't want to ruin that by having them see you. Got it?"

"No."

Allison groans, rolling her eyes. She grabs my arm again. The doorbell rings a second time, with a knock placed after it.

"Coming!" Allison shouts. She turns back to me. "Look, these people are...different, special."

"How?" I ask, walking into "my" room.

"They...they..." Allison struggles with her words.

"They..." I push, trying to help her.

"I guess you can say they have special needs."

"Like...they are mentally challenged?"

"No...more like...physical deformities," Allison says in a light whisper. She begins to nibble on her thumb.

"Oh." I'm still a little confused by the whole thing, but at least she told me. "I appreciate you telling me. I-I'll stay here, like you want me to."

Allison sighs. "Thank you, Ames." She walks over to me and gives me a kiss on the forehead. "Don't come out of this room."

I nod.

Allison runs to the door, then stops. "Oh, I ordered some pizza a while ago, it should be here in a few minutes, would you like some?"

I shake my head. I can't even think about eating at the moment. "Not now. Maybe later."

Allison nods. "Call me when you want some. I'll send some in here."

The doorbell rings again, then again.

"Got to go," she whispers. The bedroom door closes.

I look around the room, observing my new surroundings: there is a bed over in the far left corner, a desk at the adjoining wall, with a small window above it. To my right, there is a closet and a full-body-length mirror. My suitcase is on the floor next to the bed.

With the ice pack still pressed against my cheek, I let out a sigh and collapse down on the bed. For the tenth time today, I cry for a jerk of a boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend...


	8. Chapter 8: A Room Full of Masks

_GGGGgggggrrrrrrrrr!_

"Oh, shut up!" I give my stomach light slap. I finished my "pity crying" thirty minutes ago; the toll for my hard-core blubbering and whimpering is that now I'm starving.

The pizza came ten minutes ago and the smell is driving me mad!

Ggggrrr...

This is the eleventh time my stomach has growled at me.

Grr...

Twelve. Twelve times.

I'm trying to make it shut up, but it won't listen to me.

Grrrrrrrr...

"Oh, stop complaining," I whisper. Propping myself on my elbows, I look at my stomach with a small glare. "You're hungry, so what? Did your heart break today?" I close my eyes at my slip-up. I promised myself that I would not mention that, at least not for a while. Of course, that's always easier said than done.

I still haven't decided what I'm going to do if or when he comes back. Or…if he asks me to _come_ back. For now, I decided to move on the best I can.

"So don't come complaining to me; there's a lot worse than starvation." I poke my stomach, as if proving a point. "A lot worse..." I give a sad smile and caress the lower half of my stomach, feeling the teeniest bump. "Hello, there," I coo. "I'm your mother..."

I freeze. _Oh my God...I've officially lost it! First I punish my stomach for growling, then I coo at it. Lovely, Ames, just lovely!_

Grrrr...

I sigh, flopping back onto the bed. I've been staring at the roof for the past ten minutes, listening to the muffled voices behind the door. I can't hear exact words, only a combination of mixed voices; some are deep, some are pitchy, some are high. There is one voice that had caught my attention from the beginning. It sounded very musical. I don't know how to explain it, but that voice is much more distinct than the others, and that's because of his beautiful (musical) tone. If it's possible for a voice to sound beautiful, almost musical even, it's his. It's deep and even, soothing.

It's heavenly.

Grrr.

"Ugh! Alright, alright." I mumble, surrendering. "I'll call Allison." I gently throw myself off the bed, leaning down toward the duffel bag that was placed at my feet. I dig through it, shoving clothes aside in the process, searching for my damned phone.

I've noticed that I've been cussing more than usual. I wonder if it's because of these new raging hormones?

Oh, what more is to come?

_Where is it?_ I ask myself. I dug through the whole bag and couldn't find it, I even pulled out a few articles of clothing. I sit down beside the bed. Where did I leave it last?

Let's see...I had it at work...then I used it as Allison was driving me home...threw it down on the couch...

I gasp.

Dammit!

It's still at Jack's house. I forgot to pick it up on my way out. I let my head fall back on the side of the bed. Ohh...I need my phone. But I don't want to go back to Jack's.

But I need to get it. I will need it eventually. All my appointments are on there, my contacts, everything...

I guess I'll need to ask Allison to help me retrieve it at some point. The only important appointment that I have to remember is the Obstetrician appointment. Luckily that one is deeply engraved in my brain.

Grr...

_Don't remind me, stomach..._

Oh man...how am I going to get food? Maybe I can sneak out? No! I promised Allison I would stay in here. Maybe I could get her attention somehow, like make a small noise or something like that. I look around the room, trying to find an object that could hopefully catch her attention. Allison has a lot of weird things in her house, so it shouldn't be that hard.

One time, I found this head-almost like a voodoo doll head-in her bedroom. It was made of clay and had peacock feathers poking out like a crown. I asked her what it was and how she could sleep in her bedroom with that thing staring at her all night. She told me it was art made in Africa and represented good luck.

I told her I thought it represented someone who has psychopathic tastes in art.

She didn't find that funny.

I open the closet, hoping to maybe find an instrument of some kind. I get down on my hands and knees, searching the darkest corner. "Aha!" I cry. I reach in and pull out this tiny trumpet. This should do. I wipe the mouthpiece with the bottom of my shirt, cleaning it the best I can. Raising it to my lips, I take a deep breath and blow.

**PHHHTT!**

A mushroom cloud of dust explodes from the opening. I back away, scrunching my face. I cough a few times, blinking heavily. "Oh, Allison. Clean this sucker up, will ya?" Once my coughing calms down a bit, I decide to try again. I repeat the same action. This time the sound of a duck comes out...loud enough for the ears of those who are two feet away only.

Great. Now what? She obviously won't be able to hear that...maybe if the door is open...

A grin appears on my face.

Time to be Ms. Mission Impossible!

Did I mention how bored I was?

I crawl on my hands and knees to the door. Being careful to not make a sound, I open the door slowly, eventually opening it all the way. I check to make sure no one is in the hallway, which is as dark as night, except for the lights that are illuminating the living room and kitchen. There, I see silhouettes of bodies and I can hear talking, this time much more distinct.

Almost giggling with excitement, I raise the horn to my lips. I'm about to blow when I see something move in my peripheral vision.

A red light immediately begins to flash in my head.

_Abort! Abort! Stein's beens spotted! Repeat: Stein has been spotted!_

Slowly I turn my head to the right. My eyes widen at the sight before me. A little girl, with blond, braided pigtails is standing a few feet away me. Why I didn't see her before is a mystery to me. She looks to be about six years old. The weirdest thing about her is that she has a mask covering her eyes. I wonder how she can see through that thing without any eye slits. The material of the cloth must be like the mirrors you see in cop films. You know, the ones where the cops can see the suspect but the suspect can't see the cop. I mean how else is she suppose to see? She must be able to see me, even though I can't see her eyes at all.

But why a mask? Then it comes to me. The Church meeting. Allison said these people had physical deformities; she must be one of the members.

I hear a small whimper come from the girl. I look at her more closely. She's shaking. Allison did say they don't do well with strangers.

I need to fix this up.

Laughing slightly to myself, I lean back onto my legs. I look at her with a kind expression, hoping she understands that I won't hurt her. "Hi," I whisper to her. She takes a step back, shivering more.

"It's okay." I continue to talk softly, using a light voice. "I won't hurt you." I put the horn back into my room before lifting my hands next to my face, showing her that I am now empty-handed. "I promise I won't hurt you."

"That's what they all say." The voice is choked, almost sounding like she's about to cry. "And they never keep it."

I give her a half smile, slumping down into my position. "You know, I hate those kind of people."

"For all I know you could be lying to me. You could actually be like one of those people." The poor girl is still shaking.

"I could be," I state, acknowledging her fear. "But I _know_ I'm not."

"What are you doing here?" she asks.

"I'm staying with a friend for a little while."

"Allison is a friend of yours?"

I nod. "Yep."

"Why do you need a place to stay?"

_Because I'm pregnant and my ex-boyfriend a lying, cheating bastard._ No way is that appropriate to say to a little girl...no matter how true it is. "I guess you can say I'm kind of homeless at the moment."

The girl's stance becomes less protective and her shakes turn into shivers. "Are you a bum?"

I chuckle. "No, I'm not a bum."

"Then why do you have dirt on your face?"

_This girl has a very delicate voice_, I observe. _And she is very curious._

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"You have a big brown spot on on your left cheek," she explains.

My bruise! I completely forgot. Observant little girl. "Oh." I lift a hand to my cheek, wincing. "I ran into a pole."

The girl's jaw falls open. "Your dumb enough to run into a pole? Are you blind?"

I smile at the girl's blunt comment. "I guess I am. To some extent anyway." There was a hidden meaning in both of those statements. If the girl was old enough, she would be able to catch the difference in my tone. Luckily she isn't.

Grrrr!

I place a hand over my stomach, my eyes growing wide. "Whoa."

The little girl gives a small chuckle. "Are you hungry?"

I nod. "Yep. I was trying to get my friend's attention in a discreet way-" _Cause you know, how discreet is a duck sound in the house?_ "-since she didn't want me to come out of my room. And because I don't really want to leave my room."

"Why?"

"Because I'm sad," I say simply. "And when I'm sad, I feel better in small, enclosed spaces."

I was expecting the girl to ask another question, but she surprises me when she doesn't say anything. Instead she looks down to the ground. Did I say something wrong? I hope not, otherwise Allison is going to KILL me! Suddenly, I see a blur run past me. Oh great! I scared her off. Muttering a small curse, I go back into my bedroom. I close the door quietly, placing the small trumpet on the bed before slumping to the floor.

Grrr?

I swear that sounded like a question. "No, stomach. Your going to have to wait a while."

A timid knock thumps at my door. "Miss?"

It's the girl's voice. I walk to the door and open it. The girl takes a step back. She looks up at me, biting her lower lip; a normal nervous reaction.

"Yes?"

The girl simply holds up a plate with two pizza slices on it.

I can feel my eyes brighten at the warm gesture. "Is this for me?"

She nods. I smile at her. "Thank you." I carefully extend my hand and grab the plate, careful not to touch her. I don't want her to shake anymore than she already is; the girl is shaking like a leaf. This must be a big step for her. I inhale the pizza. "Mmm! I'm going to enjoy these wholeheartedly," I tell her, letting her know I appreciate her consideration.

Her lip twitches once, twice, before turning into a small smile.

"My name is Amy. Amy Stein." I'm silent after that, leaving the next step up to her.

Her hands fumble with one another, her knuckles cracking. "Lola. Lola Benz."

My heart leaps in triumph. I did it! I gained some other trust! "It's nice to meet you, Lola." With that said, I back into my room, leaving the door open. It's an invitation for her to come in and she knows it, she isn't a dumb girl. Lola looks around the room, uncertain whether she should enter or not. Slowly, she places a foot through the door, then the other. She looks at me and I nod. Lola, hesitantly, continues to come in. Once she's in all the way, I gently close the door. Hearing the click, she looks back at me, a whimper escaping her mouth.

"I'll leave it unlocked." I assure her. "See?' I open the door, close it, then back away quickly, showing her that I had no time to press the lock. She still stands there, her shoulders hunched, her hands wringing one another. Going to the opposite side of the bed, I sit down on the floor, immediately devouring my pizza. And it is soooo good! Warm, fresh, cheesy. Heaven.

I swallow, gazing up at Lola. "You can sit down on the bed, you know. If you want."

Lola looks at me with what appears to be wonder. "I have permission to sit on your bed?"

I nod.

"But it's your room."

"But your my guest."

Lola cocks her head to the side. "Guest?"

I take a small bite of pizza, my stomach feeling a little queasy. "You don't know what a 'guest' is?"

She shrugs.

"A 'guest' is when someone invites another person to their house. The 'guest' is usually suppose to be treated with respect and kindness," I explain.

"'Respect and kindness'?" Lola repeats softly to herself.

I nod. "Uh-huh. So make yourself comfortable."

Lola backs up to the bed and jumps on it, her legs hanging off the side.

I finish my first slice, ignoring the queasy feeling gathering in my stomach. After ten minutes, I finish the other slice. We haven't spoken to each other, but that's fine, because I can tell by Lola's actions that she's more relaxed. Her legs are now swinging to and fro from the side of the bed and she started to examine the small trumpet.

I lay the plate down next me, licking my lips. "Ahh! Thanks you," I tell her. "That was well enjoyed." A burp pops out before I can hold it. I clamp a hand over my mouth, shocked. Lola and I, with the same expression, gaze at one another. Then we break into a fit of giggles together.

Clutching my stomach and bending over, I try to muffle the sounds of our laughter. "Sh...shh!" I whisper. "We don't want to disturb them."

Our laughter slowly begins to dwindle off. Suddenly she asks, what I think is, the ultimate question: "Aren't you going to ask me about the mask?"

I lift my head up to look at her. "No. Unless you want me to."

Lola looks around the room. "So I guess that Allison told you about us."

"Only a little. She said you guys were different. Which is fine with me." I take a moment to carefully put my thoughts together. "I like different. 'Different' is unique and you need unique in the world to keep it interesting; otherwise, your living in a world of conformity and perfection. And those two concepts are overrated!"

"You don't like perfection?" Lola is surprised by that.

"In myself, yes. I always want to look my best, to be the best. But that isn't necessarily so," I point out to her. "But in others, as long as if they have a good personality and are fun to be with, I could care less what they look like."

Lola nods, going back to examine the trumpet.

"That's why it's good to have a variety of friends."

Lola's head snaps back up. "Friends?"

"Uh-huh."

"Do you...enjoy me?" she asks hesitantly.

I nod. "I do."

"So then...are we friends?" She squeaks out the last word.

I look at her thoughtfully. "Yes, I think we are."

Lola gives me the brightest smile yet. I smile back at her. "A friend," I hear her whisper, admiration pouring through her voice.

"Do you know what instrument that is?"

She shakes her head.

"It's a trumpet." Groaning, I pick myself up and plop down next to her. For a moment, I thought she would move away, but she doesn't. I take it from her grasp. "You see you blow through here-" I point to the mouth piece "-and blow as hard as you can. But there's a certain way you have to blow. It's very hard."

"What is it?" She gazes at the trumpet eagerly.

"Like this." I put the tip of my tongue between my lips and blow, creating a fart-like sound.

Lola giggles. "Your lying!"

I laugh. "No, I'm not. Try it."

Lola sticks her whole tongue out and repeats the noise, hers was slightly bigger than mine. Lola and I get into another fit of giggles. She does it again, creating more giggles between the two of us.

I don't know when I became this childish. I think I hang around way too many kids during the day. Which is why I say this next: "Want to hear the biggest one yet?"

Lola nods eagerly. So, forgetting about keeping the noise down, I take a deep breath, bring the trumpet to my mouth and blow with all my might. The sound is horrendous and hugely similar to that of a fart!

Lola and I start shrieking with laughter. We fall back on the bed, twisting and turning with the force of our laughter. Lola's hands are across her stomach and I'm crying. We are so loud we don't hear the door slam open. We do, however, hear the ferocious voice.

"WHAT THE **HELL** IS GOING ON HERE!?"

I gasp. The voice is that one distinct one; the musical one.

Our laughing stops immediately. I sit up quickly, observing my new surroundings. In front of me stands a really tall, spindly man with a mask covering the right side of his face. Behind him, sneaks out Allison, who looks at us and gasps. Behind her are four other people, all masked.

The musical-voice man is glaring at me, almost giving me an accusing look. I just stare at him. That's when I notice something strange about his eyes: one, the left one, is a bright blue color while the other is all black. Even the white of his eye is black. It looks like a puddle of ink.

He's glaring at me. It looks like he wants to kill me. I gulp.

"I won't say it again," he growls. "Answer me: what is going on?!"


	9. Chapter 9: Off-Beat Introductions

My words are clogged in my mouth; I'm unable to say anything. With this awkward silence, panic starts to build up in me. I now feel quite queasy. My stomach rumbles painfully.

"Ah..." Is the only sound I make.

"Erik!" Lola pops up from the bed and runs to the man. She gives him a big, warm-felt hug. His arms wrap around her, almost protectively, as he continues to glare at me (like I'm a threat to her or something).

This Erik, after a few uncomfortable seconds, tears his gaze from me. He looks down at Lola. "Lola, are you okay?" I almost gasp at the sudden change of his voice. The music sound is back; his voice gentle, calm, and caring. It almost took my breath away.

A sharp pain enters my stomach. I wince and push it aside. Allison fake-smiles at the others, who are all looking at me nervously. Whenever I look one of them, they shy away from me, like Lola did before she started talking to me.

"What is going on?" I start at the closeness of the voice. I look up and see Allison. Her position is timorous and angry all at once.

"It's too long to explain right now," I whisper back.

"Erik," Lola's voice interrupts us. With Erik's hand in hers, she drags him to me-and I literally do mean drag, for he looks reluctant to move any closer to me. "I'd like you to meet Amy. Amy this is Erik." Despite the pain in my stomach, I stand up and offer my hand to him.

"It's nice to meet you." I wait patiently for his hand to come meet mine, but it doesn't. In the corner of my eye, I see Allison wince slightly. My stomach releases another sharp pain. It feels like an Alien is trying to gnaw it's way through. I slightly recoil in pain as I lower my hand.

"Lola," Allison's voice has a slight warning tone to it. "We've been looking for you for the past five minutes. We were getting frantic!" She acknowledges to the lingering bodies in the doorway and the tall sculpture in front of me.

I can't help but examine this Erik more. He is definitely tall; I barely make it to his chest. He is very skinny, yet I can see some muscle in his arms and torso-it exaggerates that spindly look he has. His eyes gather my interest again: one blue, one pure ink. The inky one is on the right side of his face. It makes my curiosity grow, gaining power to the wonder at what lies on the right side of his face.

_What lies beneath the mask?_

I, as guardedly as possible, study his face. The left side of his face is quite handsome and manly. In actuality, he is a very attractive man. Unexpectedly I feel my heart flutter against my chest. It was so unanticipated, my whole body spasmed. Luckily no one seemed to notice.

Daring myself to look at him again, my eyes accidentally land on his lips. Although his mask covers the more intimate details of his face, I can see some of his lip. The right side of his lip, the upper and lower, start to incline, almost to a bloat-like state.

He appears to be very young, but doesn't seem to be younger than twenty-seven.

His attire is different, too. Colorless. Unconventional.

Think composer clothing.

_Hey, maybe he's the one who brought the piano!_

But why the 18th century style? I'm going to have to ask Allison later.

"Sorry, Allison." Lola is looking down at the ground.

"It's fine." Allison's voice becomes more collected. "So," she looks between Lola and I, "how did you two meet?"

"That is something I would like to know as well," Erik growls, giving me another dark stare. I turn away from him. Another pain shoots through my stomach. I sit down on the bed, letting out a breath.

"Allison," I say. "I know you wanted me to stay in my room and I tried. I really did." I look up at her. "I was going to call you on my phone to ask for a slice of pizza..."

"Yes..." Allison pushes.

"And well-" I scratch my head, embarrassed "-I couldn't find it."

"Then where on earth is it?" Before I can answer her, her eyes focus on the trumpet that is lying on the bed. "And what is this doing out?" She picks it up.

Lola giggles. "I caught her hanging out the door with that thing in her mouth."

Allison snorts, then quickly tries to cover it up. "She was what?" Constrained laughter chokes her words.

I try my best to ignore their laughter. My cheeks flame.

"I was trying to make some kind of noise to draw you to the bedroom," I explain quietly.

"Instead you made a fool of yourself," I hear a deep voice say above me.

I look up at Erik. Ouch. That kind of hurt. Yet, as I look into his eyes, I see something else, almost like amusement, but the emotion vanishes before I can fully recognize it.

Erik turns back to Allison. "Allison, if I may ask: who is she?"

I raise my eyebrows at him. _Excuse me. I'm right here._

Allison looks at him, a smirk on her lips. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Erik's face is a mask itself; he gives no emotion. I have no clue what he's thinking. The only indication on what he feels is the small sneer threatening at his lip.

"Go on, Erik," Lola tugs on his hand. "She's really nice." Lola looks back at everyone else and announces, "It's okay, guys. She's cool. If I can trust her, then you can, too."

_Is that what makes Erik protective? A lack of trust in others? _I wonder to myself.

I look behind Erik and Lola, the others move a fraction of a foot forward. Lola sighs. "Guys look!" Lola leaves Erik and, without warning, tackles me.

"Oof!" I cry out, falling back onto the bed.

"No!" I hear Erik cry out.

Why the hell is he so tense? What about me is so scary?

I answer my own question...with a rhetorical question...

_It's the trust issues, isn't it?_

Lola giggles, snuggling on top of me. I smile. Gently, I pick her up in my arms and put her down. I see Erik's body twitch as if he wants to come to her safety, but he doesn't. "Now, what makes you think jumping on me would prove anything?" I poke her side, tickling her. "Huh?" Lola laughs as I tickle her again. "Huh?" Lola squeals in delight and runs behind Erik playfully, continuing her giggles. Normally, I would chase after her, but two things stop me from doing so:

One; Erik is looking quite threatening. Two; my stomach is killing me!

I look up at Allison, who is staring down at me in amazement.

_Ruin your progress, huh?_

"Okay," I say, standing up, though my stomach wishes otherwise. I walk to Erik, trying (_trying) _to look confident. "My name is Amy Stein. I am a friend of Allison's and I will be staying here for a while. Does this appease you?"

Erik's sneer grows. "Quite the contrary. I don't like you. And I don't want you around us or Lola."

"Erik...please..." Lola whines.

I start to get defensive. "And why not? I won't do anything to hurt her. Or you! Or you guys!" I indicate to the crowd.

"Okay, guys! Calm down!" I hear the urgency in Allison's voice.

"Ha!" Erik laughs, though it isn't friendly at all. "You say that today, but those words will be stuffed in your mouth eventually."

"I-" I was about to talk back when my stomach rumbles again.

"Are you still hungry, Amy?" Lola says with amazement.

I clutch my stomach in pain. Okay, this is serious-serious load of pain right here! I groan, falling to my knees. Allison gasps and drops down next to me. "Amy, you look really green." A feel a cool hand on my forehead. "Oh! And clammy!"

"Erik, what did you do?" Lola accuses.

"Nothing," he growls. That must be a common trait of his. Mumbling, he falls to his knees before me. I feel a gloved hand touch my forehead. "Doesn't feel like she has a fever."

I can see the others inch nearer, curiosity getting the best of them.

Lola kneels down beside me. "Are you sure you aren't hungry?"

"No, sweetie, this is something else," I grunt.

Allison studies me. Then, its like a lightbulb goes off. "Amy, go to the bathroom now! Right now!"

Now it all makes sense. I feel the vomit start to make it's way up my throat. I clamp a hand over my mouth, sprinting to the restroom. I push past the others, who vacate the hall with a speed I've never seen before. I turn to the right.

"The other way!" Allison hollers. Skidding to a halt, I sprint in the other direction. I hear a manly chuckle as I run past the door. I ignore it. I throw myself into the bathroom and slam the door.

I barely make it to the toilet before I puke up my entire dinner.

I'm kneeling over the toilet when I think, _What a wonderful way to introduce yourself, Amy._

After groaning at the thought, I puke again.


	10. Chapter 10: Fresh Start, New Challenge

I've been in the bathroom five minutes now, continuously puking my guts out.

It's not fun.

Waves of nausea pour through me. I rest my head against the bathtub, praying for the dizziness to stop. I swallow hard, hoping to bite back the bile that threatens to peak at any moment.

A knock at the door disturbs me. "Hello? Amy, you doing okay?"

_What do you think?_ Is what I really want to say, but I hold back.

"Maybe," I croak.

"Amy, I'm coming in." I hear the door click open. I weakly lift my head towards her, trying to look at her. A quick wave of nausea stops me. I groan.

"Oooh," Allison kneels by my side, "you don't look too good."

I borrow one of Allison's infamous eye rolls. "Thanks, Allison."

She sighs. "Here, Amy, let me help you up...or at least sit-up."

"Okay," I whisper. It takes a slow, careful minute before I sit up. Allison held onto my shoulders the whole time. I'm very thankful to her at this moment; I have no doubt that it doesn't smell good in here, and that I don't look the greatest.

Which she clearly claimed.

I slump against the bathtub, closing my eyes. After a few deep breaths, the nausea is slowly starts to fade.

"How you doing?" Allison asks.

"Better." I take a deep breath, taking my words slow. "At least I can speak without feeling like I'm going to cough up a lung."

Allison scrunches her face. "That's...a wonderful picture, Ames. Thanks for that."

I release a small chuckle. "No problem."

"I've been meaning to ask," Allison starts. "Where is your phone?"

I close my eyes, angry at myself."I'm so stupid, Allison!"

"What do you mean?"

"I left it at Jack's."

Allison and I stare at each other for a while before she replies. "Oh, crap!"

"Yep."

"That means you have to go back!"

I shake my head. "Uh-uh! _We-_" I point a finger at her and me, "-we are going back!"

"I don't want to see that asshole! I'll kick his ass!" Allison screeches.

"Shh!" I snap. "Don't want the others to hear."

Allison waves it off. "Don't worry. They're in the other room. And I promise not to mention a thing."

I pat Allison's hand. "Thanks. Oh! How's Lola?"

Allison's eyes brighten. "She's good! I don't know what you did to gain her trust so much, Amy, but I can tell she likes you."

The sentence warms my heart. "That's awesome."

Allison agrees. "It is. Honestly, I thought she wouldn't give you a second glance and just walk the other way."

"She very nearly did."

"What made her stop?"

"I think she was frozen with fear..." I smirk.

"Oh!" Allison smiles. "That's so cute. I mean, that's sad, but also cute."

A new thought enters my head, one that has been on my mind the whole time my head was in the toilet. "So, what's Erik's problem?"

The smile slowly vanishes from Allison's face. "Listen, Amy," Allison sits down on the wall across from the toilet. "You have to understand that these people have been treated horribly by people like us; some worse than others."

"By 'us' you mean..."

"I mean people who don't have their "condition"." Allison places air quotes around the word "condition" and gives a big eye roll.

I wince at the word. There is no way to put it lightly, though there are ways to make it sound more gentle. "What happened to him to make him act this way?"

Allison sucks in a deep breath, then releases it. "I think...I don't have the right to tell you."

I almost object to her answer. My mind is dying to know what happened, but at the same time, I know why she won't tell me. That's _his_ business, and if he wants to tell someone he can. I shouldn't be so selfish. "I understand."

"Beside, I don't even know _what_ happened."

That catches my attention. "What? You don't know? How come!?"

"He hasn't told me," she shrugs. "He's very emotionally blocked-very guarded. He's been more open to me now than he ever has been in the past two years. It took him that long to start trusting me, and even then he doesn't trust me all the way."

"Wow..."

A pause.

"He's very protective of the others, isn't he?" I ask.

"_Very._" Allison conquers.

"This all has to do with trust?" I knew it.

"Trust and horrible bullying." Allison shakes her head. "I've heard some stories from the others, they're all terrible! Absolutely disgusting and horrifying! I've never been so ashamed of humanity..."

I let my brain process those words. _It sounds so serious. I wonder what happened to them. Actually, if I'm more honest, I mostly wonder what happened to Erik. He's so distrusting...so mysterious...magnetic...musical..._

My heart starts to pound.

I shake those thoughts away, focusing on the thoughts that actually matter.

_It's so sad that he's like this. It must be hard not to trust people, to be on your own because you can trust no one but yourself. What a lonely life..._

That's when I come to a decision: I will help them all! I will help them trust again! I will be their friend.

I will be Erik's friend.

I'll do my best to be the person they all need me to be.

I know that in some ways this will be a long, hard process, but with Lola and Allison's help...it might not be so bad.

_And maybe it will help me in the process...help me gain support and new friends._

_A journey to a new life and experiences._

"Allison." I let her name fill the air for a moment. "I think I'd like to join your church group." I look her dead in the eyes. "And I'm not taking 'no' for an answer."


	11. Chapter 11: Re-do

Allison looks at me like I spoke Swahili. It takes her a minute to voice her opinion. "Whoa! Hold on, Ames...what are you saying?"

"I spoke English, didn't I?" I try to lift myself off the floor, pouring all the strength I have into my arms. "I think I spoke plain English."

Allison rolls her eyes. "You did. I just...I can't compute it."

I smirk at her word choice. Wobbling a little, I lean against the wall. "Well, then, I'll just say it again: I want to join your church group."

"Got _that_." Allison stands up with me. "Why?"

"I want to help them. I feel a-a...pull towards them; like, I understand them." _I feel like an outcast, too. Probably because I've been outcasted myself, _I add in my head.

Allison gazes at me sympathetically. "Ames..."

I hold up a hand, swallowing hard. "I know, I know. But...please, Allison, let me do this." I look at her pleadingly. I see in her eyes that she's conflicted about it. "I helped someone today, maybe I'll be able to help the others, too. And..._I _need this."

Sighing, Allison places a gentle hand on my face, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Okay," she whispers.

Happiness surges through me. I could almost leap with joy, but considering I'm still minutes away from puking, the idea sounds less than pleasing.

"So," my voice is a notch higher than it was before. "Let's go "re-do" those introductions."

"Sounds like a smart idea." Allison wraps her arm around my waist, giving me a playful tug. "You aren't going to, like, puke as soon as we get there, right?"

I laugh gently. "No...at least I don't plan to. Stomach might have other plans, though."

Allison looks at me stupendously. "Why are you talking about your stomach as if it's human?"

"I've been doing that all night," I smirk. "Must be a pregnancy thing."

"Oh." There's some sort of mischievous glint in her eye. "No pickles or ice cream yet, though, huh?"

I smack her arm. "Shut up!" She giggles as we exit the bathroom. The hallway is deserted-no surprise there. The living room, however, is another story. There, in that room, has every single person that crowded the hallway earlier. I quietly observe them all. It's a small group-about seven total, if I'm counting correctly. All of them are wearing some sort of mask; some covers the whole face, some covers only about half. I look for Lola. I spot her on a couch...actually, I spot her on Erik's lap, who is sitting on a couch.

I look at them thoughtfully. Lola is actually smiling, laughing and talking to him. Erik is listening to what she has to say, and although he isn't smiling, he looks like he's genuinely enjoying himself.

The picture brings a small smile to my face.

"Amy!"

Lola's exuberant shout wakes me from the small picture. Everyone else freezes except Lola, who scrambles off Erik's lap and into my arms.

Unsure whether it was appropriate or not (but deciding to go for it) I pick her up in my arms. I guess it was a good move because she wraps her arms around my neck. My heart melts at the gesture.

_Is this what it's going to be like with my baby?_

With Lola in my arms, I glance around the room, everyone is staring at me. I can't tell what they're thinking-except Erik, who doesn't look too pleased.

"Are you feeling better now, Amy?" Lola pulls away from me.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Did you eat too much pizza?"

"I...I guess so."

Lola looks down in shame. "I'm sorry."

I frown. "What for?" Her weight is starting to get to my arms. I sit down on a chair a few feet away from Erik. I chose that chair on purpose. I want him to see how I act with her, to show him that I mean no harm to her. Or to the others.

"I gave you the slices of pizza..." Lola trails off.

"Lola-" Erik starts. I can tell he's going to assure her. Probably because he thinks I'll punish her.

I will not permit him to put words in my mouth.

"Lola," I quickly interrupt him. I can feel his eyes burning straight at me. "It's not your fault. I should've stopped when I was full. It was my fault," I clarify, "not yours." What I did next was probably dumb, but at this point, I did not care: I look at Erik, looking him in the eyes.

_See? I mean no harm._ I try to send that message to him, but all I get is a cold glare back.

"Okay." Allison claps her hand. "Well, we are done for tonight-"

"No!" Lola cries out. "I want to hang out with Amy!"

I can't help but release a small chuckle. "You will. I think Allison has a small announcement to make."

Allison lets out a snort. "Thanks for putting me on the spot."

"No problem. That's what I was born for," I reply sarcastically.

"If you all haven't noticed," Allison states to the people in the living room, "we have a guest here who is as obnoxious as they can be."I stick my tongue out at her. "And who still acts like a five-year old," she adds. "She will be staying with me for a while, due to some...unfortunate circumstances. And she has recently asked to join our little church group-"

"What?" Erik sits up, leaning forward in his chair. "She's going to be sitting with us? In _our_ circle?"

"Yes, Erik, she is," Allison responds curtly. "Now, I want everyone to just come sit down for a moment. Amy wants to introduce herself properly this time. Apparently, if I've kept up with the news, her stomach has promised not to release vomit for the next half hour."

I blush. "Thanks for making me seem crazy, Allison."

The others slowly approach the chairs (or "the circle", I guess we can call it) and sit down. Lola jumps off my lap and scrambles onto Erik's. He lifts her up and places her on his legs. They all look at me expectantly. Erik is the only one who looks doubtful...and angry.

"Well, hi..." I clear my throat. "Not sure if all of you have heard, but I'm Amy Stein. And I'll be joining your church group."

*Chirp! Chirp!*

"Okay!" I break the deadly silence. "Um..." I look at Allison for support. She nods, urging me on. "Well, I guess, to ease some of the tension, you all can ask me some questions." More silence. "Like, my personal life-what I like, dislike, you know, that kind of thing." I wait a few minutes. "They can be very simple questions, too."

Lola, of course, is the first one to start the fire. "How old are you?"

I laugh at her question. "I am nineteen."

"Do you have a job?"

I nod. "I do. I work at the day-care center. Actually, it's the same one Allison works at."

"We cause a whole amount of trouble," Allison jokes.

More silence. I decide to just let the silence flow, waiting to see if it will take me anywhere.

Slowly, a trembling hand lifts up. The hand is attached to a male, who is covered in this brown cloak. The hood of the cloak shadows his face-I can't see an inch of skin.

"Yes?" I ask softly.

The hand twitches back, as if a dog snapped at it. "D-what is your favorite color?" His voice is soft and gentle. It's actually soothing.

I smile at his childish question. It was cute.

"Ooh..." I think a while. "Can I mention two?"

The guy nods.

"I have to say violet and royal blue. How about you?"

The guy, based on his body movements, appears taken aback. "M-me?"

I nod.

"Um...brown, I guess."

"Awesome! That's a nice, earthy color. Do you like gardening at all?"

"Wha-oh, no, not really. I can't." The guy looks down. "It's kind of hard to."

"But you have an interest in it?"

The hood nods.

"Why not do it in the backyard?"

"We don't have a backyard." Erik's harsh voice interrupts our quiet conversation. I look at him, wondering what his tone is suggesting. "We can't go outside too much…" he adds.

I pry my eyes away. Moving on. "I used to garden a lot. I think I got it from my father." The hood looks up at me. "Roses are my personal favorite, but I love anything that's elegant and bright. My father was the same. We had the most beautiful gardens when it was springtime. We had water fountains and multitudes of various types of flowers; and we would have different columns for each flower." I take a breath as I explain, "Each column would be categorized by color. He was really creative. He still is."

The guy nods.

"What's your name?"

"Jake."

"Hello, Jake." I carefully get off the chair, walking towards him. Jake stiffens up and the others around him scoot away, like I'm an infectious disease. I offer him my hand. Jake jerks away from it, not sure what to do. I look at him with all the innocence I could muster. I leave my hand out, waiting for him.

"I-I've never touched a girl before," he whispers.

My heart breaks at his shy statement.

"I've only felt the knuckles of men," he continues.

"Well," I softly whisper, "let this be a new start."

Jake slowly reaches out his hand. I notice that it's shaking. His fingers slide across the palm of my skin, grasping my hand carefully. He sucks in a deep breath.

"What?" Erik sounds concerned. I look back and he's on the edge of his seat, looking ready to come to the rescue.

"It-it's so soft." Jake, without even realizing it (I think), fumbles with my hand. He brings up his other hand, rubbing both hands across my palm, my knuckles, my fingers. I notice that his hands are like everyone else's; his deformity must be somewhere else.

The most obvious answer would be his face.

Jake continues to feel my hand, running his thumbs across my smooth knuckles. I wish I could see his facial expression. I hope its a joyful one. "So delicate, fragile..." he whispers in wonder.

"Jake..." Erik's voice has grown deeper, sounding apprehensive. "Jake. Jake! Jake, stop touching her like that!"

That seems to break the spell. Jake's hands snatch back. "Sorry! S-so sorry. I-I-I-"

"It's okay," I reassure. "Don't be shy to touch me." Jake stiffens and the whole room grows quiet. I re-think my words. It clicks in when I hear Lola release a giggle.

Oh! That sounded-Lord, I'm an idiot!

"I-I only meant my hand...or-or a hug...or something." I blush. "Sorry, that sounded...inappropriate."

"When are you ever appropriate?" Allison snickers.

"Oh! You want to go there?" I ask, jokingly.

Allison closes her eyes, raising her hands in the air. "Bring it, baby!"

I sigh in defeat "Oh, Lord." I look back at Jake. "Is she like this all the time?"

"No...sometimes she's worse." I sense a hint of a smile in his voice.

"Oh, no...I'm so sorry."

A small rumble comes from his throat. I'm guess that could be considered a laugh.

I start to walk back to my seat when Jake's voice stops me. "Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?" I sit down again.

"About the hug: did you mean that?"

I look at him for a moment. "Yes, of course."

I'm met with silence. I can only hope there is a smile underneath that hood of his. I wait a moment, seeing if anyone else was going to speak up. I look at the others; there is one other guy and two other girls, each have their own little cover-up. The other guy is wearing gloves and a mask, which is covering his whole face. One out of the two girls has blond hair with this small, little, crescent moon shape clip that's placed at the crown of the skull. The other girl is African American and is wearing a mask that is covering the left side of her face; it starts at her ear and ends at her neck.

Lola's voice breaks me from my observations. "Do you like music?"

"Yes, I do."

I briefly see Erik's eyes glance in my direction at the mention of music. He must like it somehow. _Well, if he was the one who brought the piano,_ I explain to myself, _that would make a lot of sense now._

"Amy doesn't really know it," Allison breaks into the conversation, "but she's actually a really good singer."

I scoff. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, she is!" she insists. "One time I caught her singing when she thought she was alone-so she wasn't holding back-and it was really good. Her voice sounded...ethereal. And," Allison adds, "_I _think she could sing opera if she really wanted to."

"No-"

"What kind of music do you listen to?"

My eyes go to Erik's. He asked me-_me!_-a question. I am very surprised, but I use my best poker face to hide it.

"All kinds. But I have to say opera is a favorite."

"Really?" He sounds half skeptical, half intrigued.

I nod.

He looks away. "I would like to hear you sing some time." Based on his tone, I can tell that that wasn't a question...that was a freaking demand.

"Y-you want me to sing?" I stutter. "Allison was just kidding when she said I could probably sing opera."

"Mmm no, I wasn't," Allison says.

I give her a dirty look that says, _Shut up!_ She smirks instead.

"Nevertheless," Erik says. "It won't do any harm for you to give it a try." That piano must be his, everything about him is musical: his voice, his movements, his eyes-hell, even his aura! I bet he's a great singer with that deep voice and even tone...amazing.

"Okay, so," Allison turns back to the group, "just wanted to introduce you guys to our newest member. You all are now free to go!"

In two minutes time, everyone left the room. Lola gave me a hug before leaving, taking Jake's hand along the way. It made me wonder why she isn't taking Erik's hand. Maybe he already left. But that would be so weird for him; leaving her...not with his personality. It doesn't fit. Puzzled, I look about the room.

I do a full one-eighty and I gasp. My hand flies to my heart. "Oh, Erik!"

The little phantom was right behind me.

My heart begins to slow. "Erik, what are you still doing here? Shouldn't you be with Lola? Or on your way home?"

Erik's face gives no emotion away, he only takes a step closer to me. My body screams at me to back up, but I can't move.

"I know this may be inappropriate timing, but my curiosity has gotten the best of me: I want you to sing for me," he demands. "I want to hear this..."ethereal" voice of yours."


	12. Chapter 12: The Voice

_Why did I agree to this?_ I fidget nervously at the piano's side. My fingernails are pressing deeply into my skin, causing crescent-moon shaped indents on my palm. _Because his musical voice will make you do wonders,_ I taunt myself.

I take another sip of water, watching Erik warm-up his fingers along the ivory keys. When everyone left, he snuck-up behind me and stated that he would like to hear this "ethereal" voice of mine-although he sounded very sarcastic. That made me angry. And because I got angry my brain made me become defensive and brazen, so I agreed to sing.

However, I didn't think he meant _tonight_.

Allison thought it was a great idea-unluckily for me. So now, she's sitting on the couch a few feet away, eating a small bowl of ice cream. Her expression is eager.

I'm trying hard not to scowl at her.

"Now," Erik's voice demands my attention, "It's best if we do a few warm-ups. That way I have an idea where your voice lies and whatnot." Erik gets a thoughtful look-you know thoughtful in terms for him. "Tell me, what song would you like to sing after the warm-ups?"

The name of the song that I want to sing is right on the tip of my tongue. I just hope he doesn't laugh at me. "'Think of Me'," I say with all the confidence I have.

"A duet; but that could easily be transformed into a solo," he says, freezing in all movements. "And that's a pretty advance song. Are you sure you're up to it?" There's a teasing, yet serious tone to his voice.

I fidget, blinking rapidly. "Yes."

Erik gives a curt nod. "Okay."

"Woo! Go, Amy!" Allison hollers in the corner.

I glare at her, then start back at Erik as he immediately begins the warm-up. _That's rude. He never even told me what kind of warm-up we're doing._

Oh, wait! I know this. I can do this.

I open my mouth and get to it without a second thought.

Erik's face flashes with astonishment, but only for a second. Now it's neutral. We go through the exercises without any stopping. When we finish, he stops and looks at me with a look of contempt.

"Not bad," he says. "Your voice is untrained, but it does have an...unearthly sound to it...although you are holding back a bit."

He could tell?! I was surprised he noticed.

"Yes, I can tell."

My eyes widen, my mouth dropping open slightly. _So what...he's a mind reader now? Fortune teller, perhaps?_

Erik looks down at the piano with a soft smirk on his lips. My heart thumps hard in my chest.

_Stop it, Amy!_ Mentally, I do a palm-slap to the face. _Don't think like that. It wouldn't work anyway._

"Ames!" Allison whines. "Come on, let loose!"

I roll my eyes, deciding to ignore her.

"Ready to sing "'Think of Me'?" Erik asks.

I nod, unable to say anything. Why am I so nervous? I've never sang in front of an audience before-as far as I'm concerned-but that still doesn't give me an excuse to be this nervous.

"Alright." Erik begins playing. The way he plays it...it's-I can't describe it. It's majestic, magical. Powerful. I feel myself becoming immersed in the music, I can feel myself becoming Christine; I feel the Phantom's power taking hold of my mind, using it to his whim.

I sing with all my might.

Then, to my utter surprise-yet ecstatic pleasure-he sings. And I am in heaven. I've never heard a voice so foreign, so sweet, so delicious sounding. It was...chocolate, honey, silk...it was my heart, my soul...

Once he stops, I complete the song, even accomplishing the cadenza. When I am finished, I am panting.

"Whoa! Go Ames!" Allison cries out from the couch. "I told you could sing, girl!"

"Wha-" my eyes widen.

Erik nods. "You can sing-I'll give you that. And, like I said before, there is an unearthly quality about it. Sadly it's untrained. However," Erik stands up and steps towards me, "if we can train your voice somehow, we can make it the most angelic thing on earth."

I let out a shaky breath. "And who would do that? Who would train me?"

"Me."

Allison and I look at him with our mouths opened.

"Don't act so astounded," he replies cooly. "I may not like you, or trust you, but music is a completely different situation. Especially to me."

"So this is your piano," I mumble.

"It is indeed." Erik slides his fingers across the mantel, like one would do to a lover.

"And you want to train _me?_" I don't mean to sound so appalled, it's just I never imagined hearing _that_ come out of his mouth.

"I will train you two to three times a week, not including the nights we have our church groups, and we will practice for a half hour. The time we practice will gradually increase to an hour, maybe more," he adds, walking to the door. His voice is one of a business man finalizing a solution to an enigma. "I am very dedicated when it comes to music and singing, Ms. Stein. In order for us to cooperate on a decent level during our training, I need you to practice adamantly. I need you to trust me."

_How do you expect me to trust you if you can't even trust me?_

Erik opens the door. "Is that clear?"

I swallow, my mind barely registering what's happening. "Crystal."

Then he leaves.

Okay. Apparently…I have singing lessons. With Erik, nonetheless...what are the odds?

Allison gets off the couch and heads towards the bedroom, wishing me a 'goodnight'. Her door closes shut. I continue to stand in the living room.

_What kind of future is destined for me?_ I place a hand delicately on my stomach, my heartbeat drumming rhythmically in my ears. _What kind of future?..._


	13. Chapter 13: Mission: Sneak-In

When I woke up this morning, I felt a strange lightness to my body. I felt…lifted, almost liberated, somehow. And I, strangely enough, felt like singing. Erik's voice has been playing through my mind all night-his beautiful, masculine, musical voice.

My heart leaps to my throat. Again.

_Easy girl,_ I chide.

Allison and I are taking a sick day from school and work. I need to figure out how I'm suppose to tell the principal and my boss about my pregnancy (same with my parents...which I'm still dreading!) I throw my troubling thoughts away and sigh, going back to my blissful state. I am positive it is going to be a good day today.

Until breakfast, that theory was proved wrong.

"I think we should go to Jack's house today."

The words made my body freeze, making the eggs fall off my fork. Allison and I have just sat down to eat breakfast when she decided to drop this bomb. It was my favorite kind of breakfast too: scrambled eggs and blueberry pancakes. Yum!

Now that 'yum' instantly turned into a 'yuck'!

"What?" I ask dryly.

"You heard me." Allison casually takes a bite of pancake.

"Um...yes, but I didn't like it." I put my fork down, no longer hungry. I almost whine out, _My favorite breakfast... _At least I stop myself from fulfilling that thought vocally, otherwise that would've been pathetic.

"We need to get your phone back."

I nod. "I know." _I don't want to, but I know. There are a lot of important things on that_ _phone, and there are some things I don't want Jack to know about. Like my pregnancy._ The thought of him discovering our-my-child sends chills to my heart. I give Allison an anxious look. "You're coming with me...right?"

Allison nods. "Of course. What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't?" She smiles. "So how are we going to do this? How do _you_ want to do this?"

I shrug. "I don't really know." Allison looks back at me. I guess this really is going to have to be up to me. "Well...I want to do this in a way so he doesn't know we've stopped by."

She nods. "Mmhm. Understandable."

"If Jack still does his normal routine-" _He probably does. The guy doesn't have a heart, so it's not like he has the need to feel depressed over a break-up._ "-then the best time to do this would be seven o'clock."

"Why?" Allison has stopped eating now, giving me her full attention.

I play with my eggs, a little embarrassed that I'm admitting this. "Because that's when Jack usually goes to a club for a full hour." _More like half the night._

Allison's eyes widen. "And he did this even during your relationship?"

I nod. I don't want to say it out loud, it's too humiliating.

"The bastard," she growls.

I don't say anything; there is nothing to say when it's the truth.

"So," I say continuing. "I guess we'll drop by at seven and look for my phone. That way he doesn't know we were there and we could get in and get out before we know it."

Allison's lips turn slowly upward into a mischievous grin. "This is going to be like a...like a...mission impossible thing, isn't it?"

The thought gives this topic a boldness to it that sounds exciting. A smile starts to form on my lips. "I guess it is." I bring a forkful of egg back to my mouth, hungry once again.

—

"Okay, it's seven-fifteen, he should be gone by now..." I mutter to myself. I bite my lip, worry surging through my body.

"Well, he obviously isn't." Allison indicates toward the one light that's on in the house, which happens to be the one in the bedroom. I can only imagine what might be going on in there.

"I guess we'll have to wait," I sigh.

"We've been doing nothing but waiting!" she snaps.

True. We've been outside sitting in Allison's car for the past fifteen minutes. We were about to step out of the car when we saw the light through the window. Like the couple of knuckleheads we are, we ducked down in our seats and accidentally knocked our heads against each other at the same time. After a few mumbled curses, we slowly sat up again, peeking over the windowsill to make sure that we haven't been seen.

We are totally into this mission impossible thing right now.

"I know. But it's not like we don't have anything else to do, right?"

Allison looks skeptical for a minute. "Well, I could've had a date with Ben and Jerry tonight."

I scoff at her statement. "We all could've done that, Allison, but it's not particularly the best choice."

She stays silent for a minute, twiddling with her thumbs. "It's the tastier choice."

"Can't deny that," I chuckle. My eyes flirt to the window. The light is off. I gasp. "There he is!"

"Where!?" Allison sinks down into her seat, only up high enough to be able to see above the windowsill.

Rolling my eyes, I smack her arm. "Get up. He's walking in the opposite direction."

Allison pops back up again, watching Jack's form walk away with disgust. I can't help but do the same, except my disgust is mixed with fear and melancholy. Suddenly, I feel a small throb in my heart that makes me feel suffocated. Luckily, it only lasts for only a second. I place a hand on my stomach.

"Hey, you okay?" I hear the concern in her voice.

I don't look at her when I nod.

"Good." She doesn't sound convinced. She opens the door and steps out. I copy her.

We both scramble across the street like two cat burglars. I can almost hear the "mission impossible" theme play in the air. Half bent down, we finish fast walking to the door.

"Does he have a key?" Allison whispers.

"Yeah," I whisper back. I bend down where the 'welcome' mat lays at my feet. I flip the bottom corner up and find the key to the house. Classic. I pick it up, a twinkle in my eye. I place it in the lock and open the door. Allison and I scurry in, my heart pounding furiously. I close the door, placing the key in my pocket. I wipe my clammy hands on my jeans.

"I'll look upstairs, you look downstairs?" I whisper.

"Agreed."

I give a single nod and rush toward the stairs, trying to ignore the bombard of memories racing through my mind. I won't let them affect me, I won't let them stop me from accomplishing my mission.

"Wait!" Allison hisses. I stop at the foot of the stairs. "Why are we whispering?" she asks, still whispering.

Noticing the ridiculousness of it all, I shrug. "Why'd you start it, Allison?" I ask, with a normal, teasing tone. I race upstairs, knowing I'm in trouble for catching her.

"Oh, shut up, Ames!" I could imagine her rolling her eyes.

I quietly giggle. I stand at the foot of the stairs, pushing away all memories.

I got a baby to protect, I need strengthen up for now. No more childish fantasies!

_Let's find a phone!_

We search for over an hour, tearing up the house from corner to corner-figuratively, of course-we don't want Jack to know, that's the whole point. Allison and I look under pillows, chairs, in closets, yet we can not find it!

AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!

"Where the HELL is it?!" I cry out, stomping my foot. "I need that phone! It has all my dates, appointments, contacts, everything!" I growl in frustration.

Allison places a light hand on my shoulder. "Calm down, we'll find it eventually."

Sighing an angry breath, I run-walk to the kitchen. I start searching downstairs.

"Want me to look upstairs?" Allison's voice is careful, delicate. She's being-and has been-a very patient friend to me right now. She doesn't deserve my frustration.

"Yes, Allison." I calm down. "Thank you."

I hear her footsteps trudge upstairs. I look through the kitchen first. I find zilch.

_Where did I leave it last?_ I've asked myself this a thousand times during the whole search, but I can never remember. My head hangs down low, feeling tears start to come into my eyes. I feel useless...hopeless.

Is this real or am I having baby hormones?

I chuckle to myself. _Don't go there, Amy._ I wipe my cheek, gathering a loose tear that escaped my eye.

"_What are you doing here?"_

I freeze at the chilling voice behind me.

The only thing running through my head is: How in the world did I not hear _him_ come in?


	14. Chapter 14: Mission: Sneak-In Abort

_Oh. Shit._ Those are the first two words that form clearly in my head. Stiff as a board, I slowly turn around to look into the dreadful eyes of my ex-boyfriend: Jack. And…into the eyes of some half-dressed weirdo girl.

I'm not exaggerating when I mean 'weirdo' either.

This girl has black hair that goes down to her waist, she's wearing something that looks like a bikini with furry boots and blood-red sunglasses. I can't understand her style.

"_Well?"_ Jack hisses. He's pissed. You can tell by his tight grip on the girl and his knuckled fist.

"Ow..." she whines pitifully.

_Oh, crap. I got caught. I'm in trouble._ My mouth opens, trying to come up with an explanation. I can't tell him what I'm really doing here…well, wait, yes I can! I just can't tell him _why_ I need my phone so badly. And if he does find it, it's not like he'll look through it.

I mean, it's not like he cares about my business; he didn't then, doesn't now. Why would he?

_But, what-why is he home so early? Oh...wait...the girl._

"Amy," Allison's footsteps are heard rushing downstairs. "I can't find it-" She stops when she sees the scene before her. I hear a breath of air escape her. "Oh, Lord."

"'Find'?!" Jack exclaims. "'Find' what!?"

I swallow hard, taking a step toward him. My sweat glands are working overload.

"Baby, whatsss they doinggggg hhhere? Who are theyyyy?" The 'weirdo' woman whines, running her hand down Jack's chest. Her words are so slurred, they are almost incomprehensible. Oh, man, she's drunk off her butt!

I bit my lip to keep from laughing.

Jack is hooking up with _these_ kind of women? You got to be kidding me! Oh well, it works with him...

_It works with him because he's trash!_ I jump at this sudden revelation. He's trash and mean and a cheater and an abuser. I don't deserve him. This child doesn't deserve him.

_My _child doesn't deserve him. My breath hitches in my throat. I can't let him affect me any more, I won't let him.

With this new found confidence, I straighten my shoulders. "Jack," I step forward with a resonant stomp. "We came here to find my phone. I believe I left it here when _I _left." No way was I going to say 'when you kicked me out'.

In the corner of my eye, I see Allison give me a huge grin with a double thumbs up. My mouth twitches, almost forming a smile.

"When _you_ left?" Jack echoes. "Ha! What a load of crap! More like when _I_ kicked _you_ out!"

My anger flares, my chest puffing out. I take a deep breath. "Have you seen my phone?"

Jack sighs, placing all his weight on one foot. "No, I haven't. Happy?" He shakes his head. "Is that what this is all about? Is that why you snuck into _my_ home?" He uses the word 'my' in a provocative way. I know he's trying to make me loose control. I won't let him.

"Whooo are yyyouuuu?" The girl leans towards my face, stumbling a bit. Her breath reeks of onions and alcohol. I back away, holding my breath. She leans out more and pokes my chest, almost poking my breast. She goes lower and pokes my stomach. "Ooh," she coos. "Someone needs to go on a diiiiieeet."

My eyes widen before squinting into a deadly stare. Allison's hands go up to her hair in a panic.

"Why don't you just-"

"Okay! Enough!" Allison is suddenly standing next to me, her arm wrapped around my neck. "We just came in here," her voice is low at a deadly tone, "to see if we could find Amy's cell phone. We didn't plan for you to know we were here. We just wanted to get in, search for it, and get out. We couldn't find it, so we are now on our way out. Excuse us." Allison gently guides me to the door.

"Well, well, well-if it isn't Allison Luna," Jack taunts. "You covering up for this slut?"

Allison freezes. My heart thumps painfully, hurt from the comment, while my ears burn in embarrassment. My body, however, stills, suddenly fearful. Not because of Jack-not this time-but because of what Allison will do.

Teeth grinding, Allison slowly turns around to face Jack. Too nervous to say anything, I stand by and watch. I see the 'weird' girl has slumped onto the couch in the living room, now snoring her head off.

Allison walks towards Jack, each step more tantalizing than the next. She's intimidating to me, and I'm not the one she's aiming at. I can practically feel her hatred radiating off of her.

"_What,_" she growls, "did you _say_?"

She is so angry her s's are hissing.

Jack stands his ground, doing his best to pull off a poker face. I'm not falling for it, I can tell he's a little scared; it's written in his eyes.

"You know what you are?" Allison grumbles. "_You_ are hypocrite. You call her a slut?! Does she bring another body home each night? No! Does she smoke and drink alcohol behind someone's back? No!" Allison pokes Jack's chest with each exclamation. "Does she _lie, cheat, _and_ abuse _people? No! But _you_ do!"

I stand back, my body relaxed. I'm actually enjoying this. Justice is being served. I promise that tomorrow, I will buy her some Ben and Jerry's.

"I don't think you have the right to call her a slut." Allison is so close to Jack's face, I'm scared she is going to take a bite out of it. Instead she slowly leans away, continuing to glare at him with the heat of the sun. "If you find her phone, call us." Allison turns away and walks to me. "Come on, Amy, let's go home." She wraps her arm in mine and leads me to the door. I stop in the middle, digging the key out of my pocket. I throw it at the ground, near Jack's feet. I take the chance to look back at him.

He looks like he's going to pee himself.

It's the greatest, most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

We leave, arm in arm; we were giggling all the way home.

Fears, heartbreak, and all future pregnancy concerns have been completely forgotten...and not affected.


	15. Chapter 15: Meeting Nadir Khan

Last night was the best night's sleep I've had in a while; it's all thanks to Erik's voice, which continuously played itself in my head, and because of Allison's reprimanding words to Jack yesterday.

Damn! I'm still thinking of him like that.

Double damn! I'm thinking of _both_ of them!

When will the torture stop?

It takes a second, but the waterworks start to flow, for no reason at all! Jack's words from yesterday fill my brain. Is that why I'm crying? That's the stupidest reason ever! He doesn't deserve these tears!

This time…I will blame it on the hormones! Or wait-no! I will blame it on...

STUPID, FREAKING JACK!

Ugh. I think this week is going to be filled with macabre emotions. As long as if I don't cry in front of the others, I'll be okay.

It was at this moment, where I'm still in bed thinking about poor, pitiful me, that I suddenly remember my appointment with Nadir Khan: the obstetrician. I groan.

_What time is it?_

I look at my clock.

_Twelve-thirty?! Granted, I was up late last night, but...twelve-thirty?! I need to be there at two. No, actually, even earlier than that because Rebecca said I still have papers to sign! Holy crap, I'm going to be late! _

I shoot out of bed, my mind on hyper-drive.

_I need to eat breakfast and take a shower and get dressed and I need to drive there and I need to wake up Allison._ I gasp. _ALLISON!_

I race down the hall to her room. "Allison! Allison! ALLISON!" I come bounding into her bedroom. I jump on her bed, earning a loud groan. My hands pat around her body, trying to rouse her. "Allison, wake up! We need to get going!"

Allison rubs her eyes and yawns, taking her slow time. "Wha-whyyyy?"

"My obstetrician appointment!" I want to shake the bejeezus out of her.

"Huh? Oh yeah." Allison's eyes blink open. "What time is it?"

"Noon."

"And when do we need to be there?"

"One-thirty."

"Oh. Why the anxiety? We have an hour to get ready, you dummy!" she groans again.

I groan with her. "But I have papers to sign."

There's silence, then a snort. "You should've bought yourself a car."

I growl low in my throat. "If you drive me there in fifty minutes, I will buy you Ben and Jerry's ice cream when we get back!"

A pause. "What makes you think I want Ben and Jerry's?"

"Because it's good," I taunt. "And who never wants Ben and Jerry's on a random day?"

"Fine!" she grumbles. "Had to use my number one weakness as bribery."

I grin in satisfaction.

I'm actually pretty proud of myself for not forgetting this appointment, considering I don't have my phone with me. But that's besides the point.

Allison and I get ready in less than forty minutes before we are running out the door and into her car.

Currently, I'm sitting in the obstetrician's office, waiting for Doctor Nadir Khan to arrive.

Oh yeah, I'm jazzed.

Because, you know, who wouldn't be jazzed to have someone-a male stranger-look at a...ah..."private" area. Especially when your pregnant, nonetheless.

I've been sitting here for the past ten minutes, sitting on this un-comfy lab-like table in a stupid, flimsy robe that has a full window view of my butt.

I'm having the time of my life.

The nice thing though, is that I got to meet Rebecca. I went up to the desk, sweating, because I' was nervous as hell, and told her my name and who I was meant to see. It was her that actually recognized me. As soon as she told me her name, I instantly responded with a, "oh, nice to meet you."

It wasn't very busy that day, so as I was finishing some paperwork, we spent a lot of the time talking to one another.

"Did you drive here?" she asked.

"Oh no. My friend, Allison, did."

"Oh. Is she the one you were telling me about on the phone?"

I nod. "Yep."

"Nice."

Next thing you know, we dig into each other's personal lives. I learned that she's thirty-five, a single mother with a six-year old son, and is currently living alone. We avoided the topic of my pregnancy the best we could. I also learned that she's a huge fan of flowers. She loves gardening and she wishes to have a house with a huge yard to plant all different types of flowers and vegetables.

"So you really like to plant flowers?" I ask. Interesting...a small idea is starting to form in the pink folds of my cranium. This idea could either go splendidly or miserably.

"Plant_ flowers?!_" she scoffs. "Let's try plant_ things!_ I love to plant anything and everything. I wish to have a huge place with a big garden. I mean, I have a good sized garden now, but it's not enough."

I laugh. "My father was a huge planter back in the day, though I'm not sure about now..."

The sentence is left hanging, and an awkward silence fills the empty voids of the room.

"Hey," I say, breaking the silence. "Do you mind if…oh, I don't know…if maybe...I can get your number? So I can talk to you from time to time? Like…when I need an adult to talk to?" Rebecca looks at me with a blank stare. "I-I just feel very comfortable talking to you..." I blush. _Lord, this is bad. Why did I even ask this in the first place? Oh, right because these hormones are making you impulsive..._

"Okay."

I blink. "Really?"

She nods. "Yeah." She picks up a sticky note and writes her number on it. She hands it to me. "This is my personal phone number. Call me whenever you have any questions or if you ever want to talk."

_Or if I ever get you a blind date?_ I ask myself. Ever since she started talking about plants and gardening, my mind wandered back to Jake from the Church group. Now I wouldn't set them up as a date, date-that'd be too cruel to do to Jake. But maybe a friendship could evolve. Maybe she and Jake could become gardening buddies. I just need to ask Allison what she thinks; and I need to slowly bring this to Jake's attention as well.

And, meanwhile, Erik will-should-never know what I'm planning.

Hehehehehehe.

Yes, I think these hormones are evoking my subconscious insanity!

"Thanks." I tuck the note into my purse carefully-it'd be a bummer to loose it. About a second later, a nurse called me to the back. Rebecca and I said our "see-you-laters" and I headed into the back room, which I've now been sitting in for the past century. I'm being sarcastic, of course.

Bored out of my mind, I start playing with this piece of string attached to my gown when I hear the door slam shut.

"Hello, Ms. Stein. I am Doctor Nadir Khan, what seems to be the problem?"

I look up and see what appears to be a Persian man. _Rebecca wasn't kidding when she mentioned he was Persian, _I remark. _But he's also really young and cute. Totally Allison's type._

_And hear comes crazy-pregnant-lady's blind date idea number two..._

"Um..." I say, "Isn't it obvious as to why I'm here?"

Doctor Khan sits on a chair, giving a finesse smile. "Well, it does say that you are pregnant...so I guess that answers that." He flips through his clipboard. "It also mentions that you got pregnant six weeks ago, correct?"

I nod. "At least I think so."

"Well, that's what we plan to find out." The doctor places the clipboard on the table. "This will probably be our shortest appointment as I will just need to confirm the pregnancy and make sure that everything is up-to-date. The longest appointment will be our next. Our next appointment will consist of another check-up, including what you are to expect during your pregnancy, family matters, the do's and don'ts, etc. Any questions?"

_He's right on top of everything, isn't he? _I shake my head.

"Okay. This may be a little uncomfortable, but it has to be done." Dr. Khan washes his hands, then puts a glove on his right one, lubricating his forefinger. "I'm going to have to check to see where you are in your pregnancy and to do that, I need to put my finger up your vagina."

I think I paled by three shades.

Dr. Khan walks towards me, his eyes sympathetic. "I'm sorry, I know it's scary and unpleasant, but it's necessary." I nod weakly and fall onto my back, grasping the edges of the table. "Next time you may bring a friend with you."

I nod again, my mouth full of cotton. _Would've been nice to know ahead of time..._ I grumble in my head.

"Or a parent," he adds. He must've seen the trepidation in my eyes because he laughs a full, throaty laugh. "I'm only kidding...well, kind of. It's all up to you." Khan stands between my legs at the end of the table. "Okay, place your feet on these two pedals," he instructs. I do, swallowing hard. "I'm going to be as gentle as I can, okay?" I nod in fast, quick shakes. "Here I go."

And there he goes.

I gasp in shock. No one has ever done that to me before, not even Jack; not even when we were...you know. This is the most awkward feeling I've ever felt before.

It's creepy.

Dr. Khan's eyes glance back at me. "Try to relax."

"Relax!?" I grip the sides of the table, bunching up the sides with my fists. _Don't tell me to relax or do a damn thing, buddy!_

Khan chuckles a little. "Sorry, I thought that would've helped."

"No, not really," I grumble.

"Almost done," he mumbles. "There. Okay!" He pulls out and I breathe normally again. Sadly, I'm not sure if I'd be able to _walk _normally again.

"Good news is that you are right on the dot about how long it's been since you got pregnant: six weeks. And so now we will take some of your blood to make sure everything is healthy, which we will talk about during our next appointment. Like I said, this next one will be the longest because it goes into great detail about your pregnancy and what's to come. I recommend you to bring a friend or family member, or your boyfriend even-"

My face must've become stone-cold because Doctor Nadir stops talking right there.

He blinks. "...or not." He clears his throat. "You can always come alone, too."

I shake my head. "No, I'll probably bring a friend."

I almost wink at myself. _Friend._ Wink, wink. _Right…_

He nods. "Okay..." Dr. Khan walks to the trash and takes off the glove, disposing it. In-between small chit-chat, Khan proceeds to take my blood, giving the vile of it to a nurse for examination. After about twenty minutes, it was time for me to go.

"It was nice meeting you, Ms. Stein. If you go out there you can make your next appointment with Rebecca, and I'll see you next time."

His hand is on the door knob.

"Do I have to leave now or can I get dressed first?" That statement wasn't supposed to come out snarky, it just did.

Instead of getting angry, Khan just laughs. "Your free to get dressed."

His reaction shocked me and pleased me all at once. _He seems like a nice guy. _"So...are you going to be my doctor? During the whole pregnancy?" I blurt.

Khan turns around once more. "Yes. Is that a problem?"

I shake my head. "No. I thought being examined by a male doctor would be...highly disturbing-and it is to a point!" I add. Khan laughs again. "But, you seem like a nice guy, and I feel comfortable with you." I blush. "If that isn't too bold to say." _Shut up, Amy!_

Khan smiles a me, a warm smile that is sincere. "Call me, Nadir." Then he walks out the office and I'm left alone, just me and the gown that beholds the window view of my butt.

After getting dressed, I enter the lobby and make an appointment for Friday morning. I will be missing some of school, same with Allison-that is, if she decides to come with me. And she better; I got some love match-making to do. The day Nadir and Allison meet, will probably be the day when I'll mention my "Rebecca and Jake" idea. If sparks fly between Nadir and Allison, she'll probably be in a happy mood afterwards, therefore, making it easier for me to persuade her of the notion.

Allison was waiting in the parking lot to pick me up, and I, keeping my promise, bought her Ben and Jerry's on the way home. Once confined in our cozy denizen, we talked about the appointment and ate ice cream. I told her what happened and she laughed! She laughed until I gave her my hormonal-filled angry face. I guess I look meaner now that I'm pregnant.

Don't mess with Mama-Bear-Amy!

I also asked her if she would come to my next appointment. She agreed wholeheartedly.

So now, I have two things planned: make my match-making plans come true, and help the church group members trust and feel normal again. I mean, I'm having (huge) troubles of my own, but that isn't going to stop me from living life and helping those I enjoy and love.

It's amazing how things can change in an instant, whether it's your thoughts, feelings, or your whole life.


	16. Chapter 16: First Lesson

After yesterday's events, a nice day at home sounded swell. Allison wanted to stay home as well, except she had no choice but to leave for work; our boss called her in early this morning….he did not call me.

HA!

Kind of.

I, to my complete dismay, have homework to do, so it's not that much of a difference between working at the Daycare. I mean, it's still work.

I got started about ten o'clock. I wanted to finish early-thank goodness I didn't have too much-because I wanted to use the rest of my day thinking about my match-making plans. I think from now on I will call them 'Crazy, Pregnant Lady's Match-Making Plans.' Totally original. If this was a show, I could see myself as the host. It'd probably go like:

_"Hello, everyone! Welcome to the 'Crazy, Pregnant Lady's Match-Making Plans' show, where the true love of your life could be your exact match. We have two pairs of contestants for you today: Nadir and Allison, and Jake and Rebecca! Let's give them a big round of applause! Alright!"_

I can just see that happening.

And okay, I'll admit, I'm in a very good mood today. Why? Because I did NOT wake up crying this morning! I think Thursday night's mission completely healed me...almost. I still feel a small stab of betrayal lingering near my heart, but besides that, I'm getting over Jack pretty quickly. All I need to do is remember what he did to me and I am set straight. However, I know I'm going to struggle a little bit psychologically and emotionally. For example, anything that resembles anger-whether its pitch, body movement, facial expression-it's going to scare the crap out of me. And trust is going to be hard to gain back; now I don't trust as easily as I used to. Thankfully I have Allison and the Church group to do that; it would be a symbolic treat to heal myself along with everybody else.

Here's another reason why I'm in a good mood: Erik's voice sang in my dreams again last night. I'm not really sure how to handle that. I mean, to hear one's voice in your dreams after knowing them one evening can be a little….creepy. And it makes me feel like an obsessed stalker. I haven't told Allison yet; I'm not sure if I want too-she might think me nuts.

His voice is so beautiful, so musical, so hypnotic; I can't help but think of it every once in a while, which is mostly when my mind wanders…which is like all the time.

Speaking of voices, I wonder when my voice lessons will be? I can't wait to get started on them. Ever since I've been complimented on my voice-excuse me, my…AHEM…"ethereal" voice-I can't stop thinking about them.

Now to concentrate on homework.

I work for about two hours, finishing about noon. Perfect timing. I lean back in my chair, letting out a sigh of relief. _Math took forever,_ I grumble internally. _No way will I ever use that in real life. I definitely know I don't want math to be a part of my future. Maybe just English and Arts from now on_.

_Maybe singing is my calling. _I shake my head. _No...well, why not? I act and apparently I can sing. Musical theatre, maybe?_

My stomach growls. Oh. I guess I need to eat. I stand up and walk into the kitchen. I open the fridge, looking at the food that is available. I might be able to make a sandwich.

I pull out ham, cheese, bread, lettuce, tomato, avocado, mustard and mayonnaise.

I can already taste it.

The food is all spread out on the table. I pile the ham and the cheese and the avocado with two slices of tomato between two slices of bread. I pick up my sandwich and take it to the couch. I turn on the TV and decide to watch a re-run of _True Blood_. I'm not the biggest vampire fan, so I don't watch it all the time, but I don't mind a forbidden love story here and there.

I gaze at my sandwich lovingly. I admire the fresh, spongy bread, the juicy tomato, the gleaming ham, the cheese-Lord, do I want this sandwich. I lick my lips as I raise the sandwich to my mouth and...

_KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!_

_Who the hell?_ I grumpily get up, placing my plate besides me on the couch. I walk to the door, opening it. My heart stops, then speeds up to a rapid rate.

_Stop doing that!_ I tell it.

Ignoring my heart, I accidentally let out a gasp. "Erik!"

Erik's eyebrows raise at my surprised exclamation. "Amy."

Was that an introduction? I can't tell, he's so monotone, but musically so.

"Hi," I say, breathlessly. "What are you doing here?"

He looks at me quizzically. "Did you forget about our singing lessons?"

I shake my head, still a little shocked by his sudden intrusion. "Oh, no! I just wasn't expecting you." As I say this, Erik squeezes past me into the apartment. _Couldn't you just ask?_

"It's hard to make plans when you don't have a person's number...or if you don't have a cell phone yourself." Erik walks, tall and proud, into the living room. He sees my plate. "Are you eating lunch?"

"Uh," I close the door. "I was." _Not anymore._"Do you want one?"

"No."

I wait for more, nothing comes.

"So, is Saturday going to be one of our practice days?" I ask.

Erik walks to the piano, opening up a music book to a certain section. "If you want it."

I shrug. "Sure."

He sits down on the bench. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "Yeah, just shocked by the whole...sudden appearance."

He smirks. "You were going to say intrusion, right?"

"I could've, but I decided not to." I wince. That wasn't really suppose to come out like that.

His smirk remains. "Well, to calm your nerves, let's start a conversation. I came here today because I had nothing else to do and I remembered our agreement on music lessons, so I decided to stop by-or to...intrude on your time."

I sigh. "Okay. That helped a little." I giggle nervously, walking over to the piano's side. "How's Lola? And how are you?"

Erik looks at me, surprise crosses his face for a second, then goes neutral again. "She's good. She can't wait to meet you again. She's always talking about our next Church date and being able to see you." I smile a little. "And I'm...okay."

"Just okay?"

He doesn't answer, going back to his music book. He presses a few piano keys, testing the tune.

I'm hesitant with my next question. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Hmm. Going to have to tune this more often," he murmurs.

I don't think he even heard me. "Erik?"

"No."

"No?" I'm confused.

"No, I don't want to talk."

"Oh." I blink twice. "I thought you couldn't hear me." _Didn't hear me._

"I'm not deaf, my dear."

I blush at him using the phrase 'my dear.' I wait in silence as Erik tunes his piano.

"How's Jack?" I ask.

Erik pauses and looks up. "'Jack'? Who's Jack?"

My eyes widen and I blush. "Jake! I mean Jake!" My heart beats super fast. _What the freaking hell was that, Ames?! You are getting over him, right? Why did you say _his _name?!_

_Oh God, Erik-don't ask about him! Don't ask about his name!_

Erik looks at me skeptically before returning to his piano. "Don't do that in front of _Jake_, you'll hurt his feelings." I feel relief when he doesn't ask, but guilt consumes me. I did get lucky that it wasn't Jake that I was talking to specifically. "You really made an impression on him after that first meeting...and to me, too. Just a little, though," he quickly adds. "No girl ever touched him before-" he laughs, almost manically, "-actually no girl, woman, or mother of ours ever touched either one of us. We were too disgusting for them."

My eyes squint in stunned disbelief. How could people treat them this way? This is when I realize something: Erik actually told me something, something personal. Pride swells within me. _Is he starting to trust me?_ The thought makes my stomach flip.

Wait, why do I feel giddy? Why does my mind feel flustered? Why is my heart beating quickly?

I shake the thoughts and feelings away.

I don't know what to say to his comments. "Oh...I'm sorry."

Erik continues to focus on the piano. "You're not sorry because you don't know how that feels to be unloved by your parents, by people. It's okay though, you can live without them."

Taking a breath, I sit beside him. In the corner of my eye, I see Erik stiffen. "I don't believe you. Everyone needs someone. If what you said was really true, you wouldn't have joined this group."

Erik starts playing the piano again. "The only reason I joined was because I wanted to protect the misused and the unfortunate, which is exactly what I am doing."

I can tell I'm not going to get anywhere with this conversation, so I decide to stop. "Okay," I breathe out.

"You ready to practice?" Erik asks, obviously changing the topic.

"Yep." I stand up.

We practice for half an hour, just like he promised. We warmed up for about ten minutes, then practiced songs for twenty minutes. Erik is a rough teacher. Whenever I made a mistake, he would make me re-do that mistake over and over until I got it right. When he grew overly agitated, he would take a second to calm down. I wasn't going to get angry at him for being tough. Music is a passion for him, something he adores-I wasn't going to ruin that for him.

To be honest, his agitation made me excited-he's finally showing some emotion (other than his usual monotone voice and pokerface). And I wasn't scared of his anger. His tone was actually quite passionate, but only because he's passionate about what we were doing.

"Okay, it's twelve-thirty, looks like we are done for the day."

I almost let out a sigh of relief-my throat is done! Then my stomach growls. Surprised, I bring a hand up to my stomach.

Erik looks at it, then my face. "Better feed that thing."

I nod. "Yeah." I look back at my sandwich-it's droopy and soggy. Great. I look at it with disgust. "Oh, gross."

Erik doesn't turn around. "You could've eaten your sandwich before our lesson, you know."

"What?" My voice rises, cracking. I clear it. "You never offered. I didn't think I had a choice."

He smirks. "Well, now you know."

I groan.

"Touchy," I hear him mumble.

I glare at him.

Erik still has that smirk on his face.

"You smirk a lot," I blurt. It was a measly attempt to get back at him.

"It's not like I have anything to smile at."

"Touche."

Erik walks to the door. I walk with him, opening it for him.

For some reason, I feel sad to see him go. I smile weakly. "H-have a good day, Erik."

Erik looks into my eyes, making my stomach flip. _What the hell is this?_ "You too. I'll come by tomorrow as well and then Wednesday. When will be a good time for me to stop by?" he asks.

"Maybe after three or before four? I have school," I explain.

He nods. "I understand. Those times work for me."

"Good."

"Bye."

"Bye," I whisper. Closing the door, I stand with my back against it. I close my eyes. All I can see are images of Erik. My heart beats like a percussion drum.

_But why?_


End file.
